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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22860706">Red Cake</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghospice/pseuds/Ghospice'>Ghospice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood, Bullying, Cannibalism, Creepy, Dark, Fluff, Gen, Horror, Original Character(s), Pennywise (IT) is His Own Warning, budding friendship?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 19:13:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22860706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghospice/pseuds/Ghospice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Victoria is not the first child to head under the bleachers in the dark, on that fateful day. She’s just the one that comes next.</p>
<p>
  <i>Up close the clowns eyes were a beautiful blue, like the color of baby robin eggs she’d once found climbing a tree near her backyard. How could she have ever mistaken them for golden. She was so busy staring that she didn’t notice the gloved hand moving towards her. </i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Victoria Fuller &amp; Pennywise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria crept under the dark underbelly of the bleachers. Not because she was trying to mess around, or because she was bored of watching the players, though she was. But because she spotted a classmate. He'd been sitting with his sister, before he suddenly stood up.</p><p>His short profile disappeared under the stand, and when he showed no sign of reemerging, Victoria climbed down after him. Her mother didn't notice, the woman as enthralled with the game as the rest of the cheering crowd.</p><p>Daniel wasn't her friend. But he was never mean to her about her birthmark, and she enjoyed playing with him at recess on the occasions he was alone and wouldn't say no to her. He only refused when he was around friends, and while that bothered Victoria, she was grateful to play with just about anyone who would.</p><p>She walked under the trembling beams, squinting. It was very dark underneath, and she could feel the cool metal structure shiver and rumble with the crowds laughter. The sounds grew muffled and distorted the further she crept, like a TV channel that wouldn't quite find a signal. There was a looming stretch of darkness, impossible to see through. It looked thick enough to cut with a knife.</p><p>The boy was nowhere in sight. Maybe he'd backed out and crawled between the metal bars elsewhere. She trod deeper in, and heard a sound. </p><p>It was fast and wet. Something popped and splattered on the ground. Her hand clenched the metal fencing, as she peered ahead. The noise continued, and she realized it sounded like chewing and swallowing.</p><p>“Daniel?” She whispered.</p><p>The noise stopped. Was Daniel hiding from her? Her brows twisted into a frown. Maybe he was eating something he didn't want to share with his sister, hiding until he was done. </p><p>“Hello?” She tried again, annoyed, “what’re you doing back there?”</p><p>“Eating,” a voice replied. It didn't sound like Daniel. It was the deep and heavy voice of an adult. It also sounded squeaky, like a grown up putting on a funny voice. Victoria took a step back.</p><p>“Oh,” she was unsure whether she needed to leave, “have you seen a boy?”</p><p>The sound of eating resumed. She wished she had a light, listening to the person chew noisily, guzzling on their food like they were starving. She clenched her fists against her legs and waited. A good part of her felt the urge to leave, an instinctual need to run. But that would be rude.</p><p>“A boy?” the voice muttered, “yes, I have seen a boy. A girl. And another boy, lots of those!” They giggled. Her irritation rose sharply before they continued, “it depends on who you want Vicky.”</p><p>Victoria blinked. Her mouth gaped, “how do you know my name?”</p><p>There was a rustling and something heavy thudded to the floor making her jump. She turned to go but paused. A bright light caught the corner of her eye.</p><p>“Daniel told me all about you. Yes, he did,” the darkness illuminated, something glowing softly inside the inky black.</p><p>She could finally see the outline of a figure. They were very tall, with fluffy hair that bushed out at their sides, curling into pointed tips of red. Large eyes gleamed back at her from the fiery light, highlighting the curve of a white cheek and giant forehead. Long lines ran up their face, like they had applied lipstick and dragged it up to their heavy brow. </p><p>A clown, she realized. </p><p>“He said Vicky is a nice girl.”</p><p>‘’He did?” she gasped. Knowing the clown had spoken to the boy made her eager to hear more. Daniel had never complimented her before.</p><p>“Yes...Then he left me all alone,” the clown sniffled, mouth drooping into the saddest expression she had ever seen on a person's face. But in seconds his face drastically changed again, suddenly cheery, “since you’re here now. Will Vicky be my friend?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” she remembered the noise, “what were you eating?”</p><p>The clown's head twisted to one side as he regarded her. He leaned forward, his head dipped further into the luminous light. Victoria was able to make out how large the bald expanse of his elongated head was.</p><p>“Tasty tasty stuff!”</p><p>Victoria grinned. Everything about him made her think of candy, and circus foods. He was a clown. So naturally she assumed he must be eating something you would find at a circus or a funfair.</p><p>“Can I try?”</p><p>For a moment he was silent, and Victoria swore she was a line of dribble stretch down his chin, but then the hanging thread was gone, just a wisp of her imagination. The clown smiled pleasantly, but his voice was a soft, uncertain drawl, “I don't know Vicky...It's raw...and wet.”</p><p>She raked her mind for what it could be, and while she did the clown watched her with uncomfortable intensity, waiting. Then a yucky idea clicked in place and she spoke with disgust.</p><p>“Meat?” </p><p>The thought made her queasy. Her mother said raw meat was dangerous, but even if it wasn't, the image of her mom slicing up uncooked chicken, pink and translucent on a white cutting board, shining with slime...had always stuck with her.  It was so gross. Her eyes filled with worry for this strange person. Wouldn't he get sick?</p><p>“It tastes perfect. Beautiful. Salty and sweet,” the stranger purred. </p><p>Victoria shook her head, “meat isn’t sweet.”</p><p>“It is after I season it.”</p><p>“With ketchup?” She could think of no other way to make meat taste sweet. But that was for cooked meat. She couldn't even imagine what raw tasted like.</p><p>The clown stilled, his perfectly pallid face staring through her, looking like a ghost. She bit her lip and the movement drew his eyes back, giving him motion. He snickered and gave her another bright grin.</p><p>“No silly. Silly silly girl,” Victoria frowned and the man raised a single gloved finger to himself, “with Pennywise’s special ingredient.”</p><p>It took her a moment to realize he’d told her his name. “Penny...wise?” </p><p>The clown nodded erratically, grin growing larger. “yes, Pennywise! And you’re Vicky!”</p><p>She smiled back at his words, his enthusiasm infectious even if he was a little startling, a little unnerving. A thought occurred then, and a wave of embarrassment hit her. The clown sounded like he was playing a joke, and at any moment the cruel words would come. She just knew it. Victoria pushed the thought away. It was nice to have someone's full attention, and she wouldn't let herself ruin that. Even if that someone was a wacky clown hiding under the bleachers.</p><p>“What meat is it,” as she spoke she found herself shuffling closer, scuffing the soil with her sneaker, keeping her voice neutral in hopes that the stranger wouldn’t think she was too interested.</p><p>When she looked up she almost flinched. Pennywise’s eyes gleamed golden, a reflection of the light she was sure. Like the wispy flickering of fireflies.</p><p>“Perhaps if you guess, I will tell you another secret.” he winked, smile the widest Victoria had ever seen, pulling up his red lined makeup into a long cut of bleeding skin.</p><p>Her nose crinkled and she bared her teeth in a grimace, “no thank you,” the idea of taking soggy warm meat from this man was horrible, and again the urge to go sung in her ears like the distant sound of a siren. She took a dainty step back. “don’t you have any sweets?”</p><p>The clown cocked his head, lifting a white finger to tap against his jawline. His exaggerated brow deepened. She shifted from foot to foot, wondering if her mommy had any sweets in her bag. Pennywise pouted and made a low, grumbling moan as he shook his head back and forth.</p><p>“Daniel would not eat my offering, too afraid. It made Pennywise so sad. He wouldn't play with me,” his voice wavered with sorrow, fat bottom lip trembling. </p><p>Guilt rose in Victoria’s chest. There were times when the kids at school refused to play with her, only approaching to say something mean about her or her mark. Pennywise was strange, and that made her weary, especially because he was an adult. But even adults could be bullied, treated badly. And she knew better then most how he must feel.</p><p>Her mother was just above her and Daniel had already spoken to Pennywise too, so he was probably a good person. Maybe just lonely like she was.</p><p>“Okay,” she tiptoed closer, ignoring the fast pattering of her heart, “I’ll try it.”</p><p>Up close the clowns eyes were a beautiful blue, like the color of baby robin eggs she’d once found climbing a tree near her backyard. How could she have ever mistaken them for golden. She was so busy staring that she didn’t notice the gloved hand moving towards her.</p><p>“So brave,” the clown cooed, and then scoffed, “not like Daniel. Such a frightened little lamb he was.” </p><p>She could see something in his outstretched palm, offered to her. She lifted a finger and very slowly prodded it. She squeaked yanking her finger back.</p><p>“Yuck! It’s all wet and…” she trailed off, looking down at her offending finger. It was covered in blood. A cold rush filled her belly.</p><p>Pennywise said nothing, but kept his hand hovering in place as he watched her with a smile. Victoria felt her cheeks warm and, wanting to save face, reached out to grab the offered meat.</p><p>Its texture was like pink wriggling worms she would sometimes find outside school, and was just as slimy. It didn't wriggle, and was cut neat and round, like it had been carved with a very sharp knife. She found herself thinking oddly of little red cakes. Funnel cakes with powdered icing on top. It looked nothing like them, but the thought pierced its way into her mind either way.</p><p>“Mommy says you can't eat raw meat, it's dangerous.”</p><p>“I have eaten it many times. And look at me!” the clown laughed, shaking his head and rattling the tiny bells on his costume, “why, I’m right as rain.”</p><p>Victoria giggled in turn and looked down at the meat. The noise of cheering voices echoed in her head, not of the crowd above, she didn't think, but of children. They sung in murmuring tones she couldn't understand, like a wave of water crashing around inside her head. </p><p>Trying not to second guess herself, she brought it to her lips, giving it a tentative lick. Her eyes bulged. The fine hairs raised at the back of her neck. She held it away and eyed it with suspicion. Pennywise was right, it was both sweet and salty. She wasn't sure if she liked it or wanted to throw it to the ground.</p><p>“Do not waste it now,” She could hear the grin in his deep and strange voice, “I made it just right. Finish it quickly.”</p><p>His voice was feverish. He had moved while she was unaware, and now hunched beside her, massive silken frame taking up much of the empty space. She did as he said, taking a large bite and chewing it, watching him from the corner of her eye.</p><p>“Do you like it?” Pennywise whispered.</p><p>Victoria struggled to swallow the larger piece. It slid down her throat slowly, and she shivered at the sticky residue it left in her mouth. It definitely wasn't chicken. And it was really, really warm.</p><p>“It’s, um,” she wanted to tell him it was bad, but the man leaned in very close, and she felt as if every hair on her body stood electrified. She didn't want to upset him. “It's nice.” then she mumbled, “thanks.”</p><p>“Only the best for my new friend.”</p><p>Stuffy heat hit her from the clowns heavy breathing. She tilted her head back to look at him. There was no space between them now and seeing his smile, which curled at the red tipped corners making him look almost mean, she swallowed, cringing at the taste of iron which felt glued in her mouth. She ducked her head down.</p><p>“Can I go now?”</p><p>Pennywise made a sound, whiny but playful. It didn't sound genuine.</p><p>“Oh,” he croaked, a guttural noise. Had he always sounded like that? Maybe she just didn't notice until he was so close. “So soon? We were having such fun.”</p><p>“My m-mom is waiting,” Victoria’s voice came out a little breathless, though she didn't know why. “I have to go.”</p><p>Pennywise said nothing, but he did not move. She was too nervous to meet his face anymore. Instead she stared down at the blackness of the ground, the pretty light from the clown not reaching it.</p><p>“Okay, little friend,” the clown moved back, his overbearing presence retreating from her side. “Pennywise understands.”</p><p>Her shoulders slackened in relief. She hadn't realized they were tense. Just as she was readying to step back, to find the real light and her mother above somewhere, Pennywise spoke.</p><p>“Daniel didn’t want a taste, so we played a different game.”</p><p>She thought Pennywise had moved away, but instead he was sitting before her. His thick white and red boots looked dirty with mud, the red pom poms twisted and wet. </p><p>Victoria wasn't surprised that her classmate had not wanted to eat a lump of raw meat, and the longer she thought about it, the more disgusted she felt with herself for eating it, the slime coating her throat and mouth no matter how many times she swirled her tongue about, trying to get rid of the taste from the back of her teeth. How had she convinced herself to eat it?</p><p>“What game?”</p><p>She looked up to find Pennywise crouched, his long arms flowing over his knees, the sharp corners of his elbows jutting out and making him look more menacing than he had before. He looked like a big goblin, or maybe a troll. But trolls were meant to be ugly, and Pennywise’ powdered skin and shiny silvered clothes were anything but. </p><p>
  <i>‘Who’s that tripping over my bridge?’</i>
</p><p>Maybe he was more of a ghost, Victoria thought. A wispy spirit that had died sad and lonely and just wanted a friend. </p><p>“He helped make the special ingredient.”</p><p>Victoria tilted her head with a confused smile, “he did?”</p><p>The clown nodded. His giant shoulders bounced. Then he froze, staring at her intently. The white of his eyes seemed bigger, fuller. His pupils were slit sharp.</p><p>“I will tell you what it is, if you but come closer. It is a secret after all.” </p><p>Victoria shook her head, “no thank you.”</p><p>She took a step back and stumbled on something. Her hands waved out just as she caught herself by grabbing the metal fencing. Breath heaving she quickly looked back to Pennywise.</p><p>He remained passively still, but his eyes were off. The color looked wrong again and this time Victoria could definitely see something spilling down his jaw. Black encompassed the rings of his eyes. He didn’t seem like a clown anymore. He didn't seem like anything her mother had read to her during bedtime. He just looked…</p><p>“Are you sick?” she asked.</p><p>“I am perfectly well child.”</p><p>Even as he spoke she registered a shift in his body, as he pressed a palm to the ground, leaning forward. His body looked tense.</p><p>Just as she was about to ask what he was doing, a voice rang out piercing the moment.</p><p>“Victoria!”</p><p>She didn't move despite the happiness she felt at the sound of her mother's voice. Her gaze remained locked onto Pennywise, who once again had frozen, his expression surprised. Then it crumbled into a narrowed look, his mouth curving down.</p><p>“Mommy?” she called back, but didn't dare look away.</p><p>The sound of her mother trying to climb underneath didn't spook Pennywise, but Victoria began backing up being careful not to trip again. </p><p>“I have to go,” she mumbled. The clown said nothing. </p><p>As she drew back into the outside light, she took one more look at Pennywise.</p><p>He was waving. Even from a distance she could see the big smile he wore, as if her leaving didn't faze him at all. He wasn't upset. Her fingers curled at her sides as her heart galloped. Then she returned the gesture with a watery, unsure smile.</p><p>She had made a new friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Visitor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria’s room was small and cramped, which her mother blamed on her hoarding of stuffed animals. Victoria disagreed, because as far as she knew, you could never have too many stuffed toys.</p>
<p>But as she settled in for sleep on a night weeks after the bleachers incident, she couldn’t help but feel a little claustrophobic. </p>
<p>Her amber night light illuminated the room in a pink hue, which bounced off the various beady black eyes of her huge collection. They lined her shelves and even the window ledge leading to her bed. Her closet was always spilled open with them shoved at the bottom, the glass mirror that lined its door reflecting her tired face. </p>
<p>She eyed herself in the mirror. Her blue pajamas were marked with little clouds in a repetitive print, her face flushed pink against the dark unwanted mark that blemished her skin. It was only a stray look because she was used to seeing it, but in that moment she wished it could be as pretty as the fluffy clouds printed on her pajamas.</p>
<p>Victoria snuggled back against her pillow, listening to the creaking of floorboards below as her mother moved about the kitchen. Her mother liked to watch television late into the night on a Friday evening, though Victoria wasn't sure what she watched. It must have been a funny show, because she could always hear muffled laughter bubbling up through the wood. Though she missed her father's presence, since he left, she was glad to be done with the late night fighting.  </p>
<p>Sometimes she would wake to footsteps climbing the stairs, and the soft press of lips against her forehead as the light was turned off. Sometimes she slept through it. Tonight sleep wasn’t finding her easy, and she wiggled about in the white sheets like an unearthed worm. </p>
<p>Her bedroom door was fully shut, which meant her mother expected her to stay in bed, to not get up every five minutes for the toilet. It was a new bad habit her mother said, as was her reliance on the dusty old nightlight found in the attic. </p>
<p>Victoria had been finding the dark more intimidating than she used to, much to her mother's annoyance and her own embarrassment.</p>
<p>The little light flickered, and Victoria’s heart lurched in her chest. She gripped the duvet tight, ready to dive under it if the old bulb gave out. It had been working fine. But now it flashed like a dying star. Her mother should have replaced it.</p>
<p>But the light didn't give out. It flickered almost playfully before she heard a tinny soft click. Then it beamed bright and golden, stronger than ever.</p>
<p>She stared at it with a frown. It must have just found a disturbance in the wiring or something. She looked away and back to her door. A long arm draped from inside the open closet. Long white fingers hung from a lanky frame that was still hidden. </p>
<p>She gasped, wheezy and high with panic. With a hard yank she covered herself in the safety of the blanket.</p>
<p>Underneath the soft cotton her breath became hot and stuffy, but she didn't dare breathe too deep. The room was silent. She couldn't hear even the sounds from downstairs. There was no creaking or groaning of floorboards to suggest someone was coming to get her. No heavy breathing or evil laughter. Perhaps it was just imagined. The only way to know for sure was if she pulled back the covers.</p>
<p>Her ragged breaths were loud to her ears. Sometimes, she would see things in darkened corners when no one was around, but her mom explained that it was just a trick of the eye, an illusion. She held onto this thought as she peeled the cover away from her face.</p>
<p>The arm was still there. And in fact a face now joined, peering down at her like a ghost, cut by the line of the door mirror. Victoria made a whining sound of terror, her eyes crinkling as she scrunched her face up. </p>
<p>And then she realized who it was.</p>
<p>“H-hello,” she sniffled, hesitating, “Pen-Pennywise?”</p>
<p>“Hiya Vicky,” the clown grinned. His voice was as bouncy and light as she had ever heard it before. He seemed immeasurably happy to see her, and she felt herself relax.</p>
<p>“Why are you in there?” she whispered, looking back to the closed bedroom door. She feared her mother would come racing up if she heard them.</p>
<p>The gigantic clown said nothing, but began to squeeze himself out of the crowded closet. His body seeped out in one smooth movement, and he had done it without knocking over a single toy. Victoria was amazed at this feat, even if the large looming clown took up much of the space, standing in front of her door.</p>
<p>“So many toys,” he said, shaking his head as if to brush them away, “I have more.”</p>
<p>“You do?” Victoria asked, skeptical.</p>
<p>“A whole tower of them,” his eyes widened with realization, voice rising, “you could play with them, if you wanted. My friend. If you came with me.”</p>
<p>Victoria smiled at the idea, and then heard a loud clatter from downstairs. Remembering her mother she put her finger to her lips at Pennywise.</p>
<p>“I-I don't want mommy to hear you,” she said, and Pennywise merely tilted his head, eyes hooded and indifferent.</p>
<p>“She won’t.” He said. Then smiled, “Only special children can see me.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” somehow that made sense to Victoria, and she pulled herself up but kept the blanket bunched around her like a cocoon. Her eyes drifted down, “...there's nothing special about me.”</p>
<p>The clown was silent for a time, and Victoria felt herself sink further, knowing he must agree with her and so had nothing to add. His silence unnerved her, so she peeked up, to find he had moved closer. She blinked.</p>
<p>“You are very special Vicky. You are filled with something beautiful. You are-”</p>
<p>Pennywise stopped. In the dull warm light Victoria could see how his chin shined with saliva. His eyes were brightening with each step, but now they darkened into a familiar blue. The clown was looking down at something she couldn’t see, so Victoria crawled forward to look over the edge of the bed where he was staring.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s Mr. Waffles.” She said, beaming at his interest in one of her favorite stuffed toys.</p>
<p>The clown's boot which was frozen above the toy, moved back. His heavy brow narrowed. Victoria’s face fell, heart missing a beat. </p>
<p>Mr. Waffles was a simple dark green turtle that she had been given by a friend of her uncles when she stayed at his house, while her mother was sorting divorce papers. Mr. Waffles had comforted her through that hard time, and had been one of her prized toys ever since. He was only beaten out by her fluffy blue T Rex, Steve.</p>
<p>Victoria had never seen someone look so serious, especially someone who was supposed to be funny. But her massive friend looked upon the toy like it was something extremely distasteful. </p>
<p>Pennywise tiptoed back, a soundless elegant move, and slowly drew his gaze over Victoria. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. Victoria for her part only shifted uncomfortably, her cheeks blooming with heat and her eyes darting to his then away.</p>
<p>Though she now sat closer to the end of the bed, Pennywise made no further movements to get closer. </p>
<p>“Who gifted you this child?” </p>
<p>“My-my uncles friend. I think.” Pennywise seemed to take in this statement, and then his head drooped forward to stare at the toy once again. She was unsure why he suddenly seemed so irritated and quiet, and she missed the earlier joyful mood he was in. Fearing she had done something wrong, she tried to fix things.</p>
<p>“You can have him- if you want,” Her own words cut, as she did not want to give Mr. Waffles away, but she didn't want her new friend to leave her or be upset that he didn't have such a good toy.</p>
<p>Pennywise made a strange expression, his lips curling over his long buckteeth. “No...I do not want it.”</p>
<p>“I don't mind sharing. I don't have anyone else to share my toys.” A thought occurred to her, “do you have brothers or-”</p>
<p>“No.” His answer was abrupt and his eyes seemed to burn a hole through Mr. Waffles lying peacefully on his side on the carpet.</p>
<p>Now it was Victoria's turn to be silent. Her mouth clamped shut so she didn’t risk saying anything more to annoy him. </p>
<p>“I must go.”</p>
<p>Her head perked up at his voice, then drooped in disappointment at his words.</p>
<p>“Have I annoyed you? I’m sorry. Please don’t go.”</p>
<p>A vague thought struck her then, that there had been a role switch between them, with her now begging him to stay. But her pleading seemed to fall on deaf ears as the clown shuffled backwards towards the closet door. He shook his massive head, looking strangely somber.</p>
<p>“You have not. I will return.” he promised. It almost sounded like a threat.</p>
<p>Somehow he made her feel both safe and unsure. It was peculiar, but she was so desperate to keep this new friend, one who seemed to be focused solely on her. She hated the thought of him slipping away, and not knowing what had caused him to leave. But it wasn't as if she could make him stay. Her own father had left, so why would this be any different.</p>
<p>“Thanks for saying that I’m- I’m special,” she twiddled her thumbs on top the linen sheet. “I think you’re special too.”</p>
<p>Pennywise paused, his gloved hands on the frame of glass. His reflection made it seem like two lots of eyes were staring at her unnervingly. </p>
<p>He waved, but it was more a wiggling of his spindly fingers, a slight quirk to his sharp red lipstick. Just as he had the first time they met.</p>
<p>“See ya soon, Vicky,” his massive body crumbled in on itself into the shadows of the closet. </p>
<p>Then he was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Updates for this will be sporadic, there isn't a plan here, just me writing when inspiration hits. That said I originally had this scene as an idea for a Georgie &amp; Pennywise fic, but you know what? Victoria deserves more love and fics, so here we are!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Special</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rain bounced on the pavement in a pleasant rhythm, which Victoria watched with a sleepy gaze as she trudged along in her pink wellies towards school. Her mother had rushed their morning routine, having missed the alarm. She hadn't been able to drive Victoria to school like she normally would on the way to work, so instead suited Victoria up with an umbrella before kissing her cheek and herding her out the door.</p><p>It wasn't so bad. It was actually nice to walk to school, the streets bare of people and the rain a gentle patter hitting the plastic shield. The longer it took to reach school the better. It meant she wouldn't catch the tail end of her first period teacher, a waspish woman who disliked quiet kids. Victoria knew this from first hand experience. The woman had a bad habit of zoning in on Victoria, sitting silent at the back end of the class and doing her work. Mrs. Moody as she liked to call her, would bark out a question about the topic like an accusation. Victoria could usually answer, but her slow and silted mumble would gain looks from around the classroom, smirking faces picking up her weakness like sharks smelling blood. Victoria hated herself in those moments but she hated the teacher more.</p><p>Brooding as she was it took her a moment before she caught sight of movement from the side of the road. A spec of gold glittered, like a ray of sun reflecting off glass. It was gone by the time she looked across the gleaming wet pavement. Something else took her attention. She curved the umbrella back towards her neckline, and hunched down causing the rubbery rim of her wellies to bend and dig into her calves. </p><p>The sewer drain was empty and dark, water cascading down its throat, pouring in endlessly. Victoria wondered if it would ever fill up. When nothing else occurred she stood and walked away. She was about five steps forward when she heard a scratchy sound, surprisingly loud as it echoed over the downpour. She looked back. Out of the black belly of the drain an arm shot out. </p><p>She sprang backwards with a sharp cry. Recognizing the dirty grey and pearl white gloves she stilled, heart in her mouth. The clown's face squeezed out next and he blinked once, slowly, deliberately, then offered her a long smile. His neck was twisted oddly from where his body still hadn't emerged, but he looked none too bothered about this fact.</p><p>“Vicky!” he exclaimed with widened eyes, teeth jutting past his bottom lip as he rasped, “what a surprise to find you here, all alone.”</p><p>Victoria’s brow creased as she eyed the strange contortion of his body, and her stomach flipped with nausea.</p><p>“Pennywise…” She looked about hesitantly for an adult but the road was empty, aside from a few people in a nearby grocery store. She looked back at him. “Are you stuck?”</p><p>He said nothing for a moment. Then his body twisted and cracked, and one by one each limb popped out, until the towering frame of her friend stood erect in the rain. He gave a sudden, violent shake, and water splattered on her school uniform. She squealed.</p><p>“Y-yuck, careful!” She raised a hand to shield her face, peering at the clown between her fingers.</p><p>Pennywise gave no indication he was sorry, standing before her with a friendly expression. His face with its severe lines somehow looked soft, the luminous blue of his eyes taking away some of the harshness.</p><p>“Why were you in there,” she pointed to the gaping maw of the drain.</p><p>“I was following a small boat, one that drifted so very far...then I saw you.” </p><p>“Did you catch it?” </p><p>Pennywise inspected one of his gloved hands, as if seeing the nails underneath, “Yes. Yes, I did.”</p><p>Victoria glanced him over but saw no evidence of a boat, “Well, where-”</p><p>“I let it go,” he murmured, “so it could float.”</p><p>On the last part his voice became softer than she'd ever heard it before, and her skin prickled beneath her white collar. Pennywise was smiling again but she could have sworn his eyes looked bigger in that moment. Pupils drowning out the blue as he watched her.</p><p>“Wanna walk with me?” She blurted out, desperate for the moment to pass. </p><p>Pennywise shook his head in agreement, much to her surprise. His head rattled like an erratic toy, overlaid by the jingling of tiny bells. She laughed and resumed walking, watching her friend as he made to follow. The clown hadn't been so close to her since they first met, and the memory of that day came back in a sudden flash. Victoria grimaced and side-eyed him.</p><p>“Hey,” she swallowed and he looked down at her with a slightly raised brow. He had long legs but ambled alongside her which she could tell was for her benefit. “Did...did you know Daniel went missing?”</p><p>“Daniel?” he said as if he’d never tasted that name before, and his eyes drifted. She was about to remind him who Daniel was when he spoke again, “that Daniel. Yes. Pennywise remembers now,” he gazed forward at the empty road, never breaking stride as he pondered, “I did not know,” he tilted his head and stared down at her, “are you afraid for him?”</p><p>When she thought of the boy who was somewhat her friend, she felt a pit in her stomach, but her concern was followed by sadness, one that wasn't for his sake.</p><p>“He won't be there to play with me.”</p><p>She knew it was selfish, but she couldn't help but think of how lonely recess would be until Daniel returned. And she was sure that he would, because the police would find him and bring him home. Kids don't just disappear.</p><p>“I will play with you.”</p><p>The sureness in Pennywise’ voice made her giggle before turning to him. “I mean at school, you can’t be there.” </p><p>“I can be wherever I want to be!” the clown said in a high warble.</p><p>Victoria wanted to disagree and explain how school was for kids only, but she didn't want to upset her friend and cause him to leave like he did that night. The thought soured her mood. She said nothing more, only giving him a nod in turn.</p><p>The gates of her school were nearing them, the long black lines looking like a prison cell that was ready to swallow her whole once she passed them. A prison that wouldn’t spit her back out until after 3 pm.</p><p>She paused and looked back, only to find Pennywise had stopped and was a few steps behind her.</p><p>“What's wrong?”</p><p>The figure of her friend was in stark contrast to the green hedges leading towards the school, his bright orange hair and white skin in deep contrast to the dull, everyday environment of her life. Out in broad daylight and yet no one gave them a second glance. </p><p>“Do you hear voices?”</p><p>The girl stared at the clown, “what?”</p><p>“Voices,” he rasped, mouth curled down into a baring of teeth, raising a white finger to gesture to his head, “in here.”</p><p>“N-No. Do you?”</p><p>Pennywise shook his large moon-like head and his face relaxed, “of course not.” he perked up and went back to beaming at her, “just checking!”</p><p>“Checking what?”</p><p>“That you were not hearing voices.”</p><p>“I know,” she said with frustration, “but-”</p><p>“It does not matter, you have school now,” He waggled his fingers in the direction of the gates, “run along.”</p><p>The sudden shift in his moods left her pondering at what he could mean. A part of her was beginning to accept that her friend was just very, very strange. More so then how he looked, but how he acted. She was starting to feel that the clownish costume was the most normal thing about him.</p><p>Victoria opened her mouth to question further but then decided against it, sighing. She looked towards the looming gates and then back at her friend. A desperate feeling overcame her.</p><p>“Will you really be there? To play?”</p><p>“Yes.” and then he said something odd and unexpected,  “I need to see little Stacy Mccan.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>That was strange. Victoria pictured the girl he was speaking of. Bright golden hair and green eyes and really popular. She was nice enough, but they had barely spoken a single word to each other in all her time at school. Why did Pennywise need to see her? Victoria’s heart sank. </p><p>“Oh?” His voice was ever chipper, but there was a bite to his tone. </p><p>“I didn’t- I just thought…”</p><p>“What did you think, little friend?” </p><p>She avoided eye contact, the same way she would do at school when a classmate was leering at her, staring at his fluff balled boots. Her face felt hot and the words were hard to get out, but she finally did in one long breath, “I thought I was your only friend.”</p><p>“But you are!” he exclaimed, making her jump. </p><p>Before she could question why he wanted to see one of her classmates, the clown continued.</p><p>“Stacy and I were to have ourselves a small talk. But she is no friend of mine.” He hissed, red lips curled down in disgust. Then a radiant smile. “She is no Vicky.” Gently he bopped her on the nose with a sharp grin, “I have only one friend above and that is you.”</p><p>Victoria smiled back feeling lighter already, relieved in a way she knew was unfair. She knew that you didn’t own friends, and they could spend time with other people and still love you the same. But the idea that Pennywise would befriend any other, especially from her school where most were cold to her, made her stomach clench with a feeling she couldn't give name to.</p><p>She was brought out of her thoughts by a soft prod, feather light against her cheek. She flinched and turned to find a globe of neon red before her face.</p><p>“Just for you!”</p><p>She smiled, curling her fingers around the white string offered, the balloon gliding airily but never bobbing as if it were going to float up. It knocked against the umbrella in her awkward grip, but Pennywise looked ecstatic that she’d taken it, rolling on the balls of his feet like he wanted to jump for joy.</p><p>A question suddenly came to her mind that felt important, maybe more than it should. She trusted him to be honest with her. On some level she knew the answer, but still needed to hear it spoken, “will you give Stacy a balloon?”</p><p>“No. Oh no.” Pennywise glanced behind her at the school building and his eyes seemed to glow that bright, unearthly color. They snapped back to her and he grinned widely. </p><p>Then his face became serious, the look of excitement fading as if blown away by the wind.</p><p>“I only give things to my most special of friends.”</p><p>Victoria twisted the string into a loop and tied it to her key chain hanging off her school bag, freeing up one hand, “I’m your only friend?”</p><p>“Yes.” He said, watching her intently, “so you must be the most special of all.”</p><p>Victoria blushed, lowering her gaze to the ground as the clown snickered beside her. He seemed to say that a lot. She looked at the balloon.</p><p>Special.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:) Hope you are staying safe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Best Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria sat alone beneath the shade of a tree, wiping sweat from her forehead. It wasn’t very hot, but playing tag was her favourite game, and she always gave it one hundred percent of her efforts. Other kids continued playing, some were already starting a round three, but they didn’t approach her to play again. She watched them with a small smile, wavering. Across from the game a group of girls sat in a circle, and a few boys were off further behind them kicking a ball into a fence. The girls sitting were all in her various classes, but she couldn't really say any were her friends. </p><p>Stacy Mccan was notably missing from the group, though Vicky had seen her in class, looking nervous and twitchy. She had wanted to speak to her, maybe out of some deep spike of jealousy, but her mouth had remained glued shut.</p><p>She twisted the multicolored beads of a bracelet she wore, rolling them between her fingers. Occasionally she looked about, but each time made her feel worse and worse, as if every eye was secretly watching her. Loud giggling drew her from her thoughts. As if to cement this as truth, she saw a face quickly whip away among the group of girls and her cheeks grew hotter. </p><p>It wasn't as if Daniel always played with her. He didn’t. Most of the time she would wonder about, or stay indoors to do some reading. Other times, like today, she would get to join in with others, but then she’d fade away again as soon as the game was over, when there was no longer any need for an extra player to make the game more fun. She gnawed on her lip, body stiff with the effort it took to remain here and not run inside. She was waiting.</p><p>Fiddling with her shoelace next, she didn’t notice at first the presence at her back, the sudden displacement of air where something solid must be.</p><p>“Vicky.”</p><p>The high voice sang to her lonely ears and she shifted around to see him. Delight. It was the only word she could think of as she smiled back at the cheery red grin. His face was surrounded by the dying leaves of bush, as if he were some hiding menace like a cartoon villain. </p><p>“Penny, what are you doing in there?” She shuffled closer on her hands and knees, entirely absorbed by his presence and oblivious to how she might look.</p><p>Pennywise’s eyes sprang one way and then the other, as he took in the busy playground full of running and screaming children. His eyes started to split directions and he ceased speaking. Victoria frowned. Having seen him do this before she tried waving at his face.</p><p>“Hey, hey!”</p><p>His body lurched forward and she squeaked, yanking her hand back down. Pennywise refocused on her. His head tilted in question, but it was more of a sharp jerk, and she could have sworn she heard bone crack.</p><p>“Why, you said I couldn’t play in school,” he said as if nothing had occurred, “so I am hiding.”</p><p>Victoria had to catch her breath, heart still racing. But she quickly moved on as he did, “you said-. You said people couldn’t see you?”</p><p>The clown’s face grew mischievous, “I did?” he giggled, and then shuffled out of the bush and into the light. He crouched beside her, openly displayed among the crowded school, and she couldn't help but look about with wild horror. </p><p>No one was staring. At least not at Pennywise. Occasionally the girl from before, one with curling brown hair who she now recognized as Courtney Dennis, would look over, glare, and then turn away. </p><p>“You know I’ll look silly,” Victoria started, and then she shifted so her back was facing the girls and other kids, “I’ll look silly talking to no one.”</p><p>“But you are talking to someone,” Pennywise said with an emphasis on the last word. “Me!” he cackled.</p><p>His happiness was infectious, and she quickly felt her worries draining away, no longer caring if someone was watching, drilling holes into her back. She crossed her legs and something pinched her leg from inside her pocket.</p><p>“Oh! I have something…” she mumbled and dug her hand into her pocket, feeling for the crumpled up paper she had stored there. Pennywise looked intrigued, though he said nothing.</p><p>She drew out the badly creased paper, with an embarrassed look, “It got squished, but I made it for you.”</p><p>She held it out to him. Pennywise eventually lifted his own gloved hand and took it delicately by the corner, like she had handed him something poisonous. </p><p>“You said you had a paper boat, so I thought you’d like a paper drawing.” the words spilled from her in a rushed stream, as that pit of anxiety opened up inside her. The longer he was silent the more worried she became. What if he hated it? Or thought it was so bad that he decided then and there that this friendship wasn't meant to be. She wrung her hands together.</p><p>Pennywise stared at the drawing, at the crudely carved colors of orange and grey and white. He smoothed a hand over it, and then smiled. It was thin and as sharp as his painted lips. It was also the first time she had seen him smile at something other than her.</p><p>“How...lovely.” he stated, and then his voice grew larger, “how wonderful! Just for little old Pennywise. You spoil me Vicky!”</p><p>Warmth flowed over her in a wave of relief. He liked it. She had been worried for nothing. Well maybe not nothing. Victoria had an unpleasant memory of the start of the previous school year, when she had tried desperately to make new friends. She loved drawing and her mother would always display her art on the fridge, covered from top to bottom. It was one of the few things that always made her mother smile. Not so with the kids at school. </p><p>There was a day she had drawn bright red roses, and had given them to a girl she sat next to in class. The girl had said thank you and accepted it, but after that, she never spoke to Victoria again. </p><p>“You gave me a balloon,” she replied.</p><p>“And you offered me your toy. I have many balloons,” he paused, considering her with a beaming smile, “You are so giving, so kind. A wonderful friend.”</p><p>Her cheeks couldn’t go any redder unless the sun burnt them, and she felt it all the way up to the tips of her ears. Her eyes prickled with a feeling that was unfamiliar and a little frightening. She blinked until it stopped.</p><p>The days continued like this. </p><p>She would go into school with a bounce in her step, a secret joy of knowing who was waiting for her as recess rolled around. It didn’t matter the weather. Sunshine, cold and rain, he would be there, glowing eyes calling to her from the bushes beside the square fencing. </p><p>One time a teacher had scolded her for trying to play outside when it was storming. She had already left with her umbrella clutched in her hand when someone had barked out her name. In the distance she had seen him, seen the rain catching in fat droplets along the silver diamond cut of fence, his own costume and hair untouched. She had complained noisily, surprising the adult who had dragged her inside. Pennywise remained still, smiling and waving as she disappeared behind the final slam of the door. </p><p>Despite how nonchalant he appeared, it gnawed at her heart to think of him standing out there in the brutal storm. It had rattled the windows of her classroom as she zoned out, the other children murmuring like a herd of frightened sheep. She was unaware of the strange looks some had given her.</p><p>It was nice having a new friend. A real friend. Daniel had fast faded from her mind as the weeks drove on, and though she did not know it, he had faded from all living memory of all but a few. The police search had been a small and useless thing. Victoria would not remember Daniel until one awful day in her not so distant future.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>He rarely visited her room, even though she made sure to stuff Mr. Waffles under her bed and out of sight. The turtle always gave her happy thoughts, and she wondered if it could give happy dreams as well. Once she had dreamt that something large was above her, amid swirling colors and twinkling stars, but no matter how much she tried, her head wouldn’t tilt up. She awoke feeling oddly comforted. She decided not to express this to her new friend.<div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>“Simon says...stand on your head.”<p>Without hesitation her giant friend did just that, his body changing into the position as if it was as natural as any other. Victoria giggled as he smiled at her from his upside down position, his buck teeth poking out. </p><p>“Simon says touch your nose.” Pennywise did so without moving.</p><p>When Victoria suggested the game she hadn’t considered just how flexible her friend was. Unsurprisingly, she began to take advantage of that fact to see what crazy contortions he could effortlessly compress himself into. </p><p>At first the clown had shown little interest in the game - he did not like being told what to do. Victoria had responded that it was ‘okay if he wasn’t very good at it.’ This small attempt at manipulation on her part did not go on unnoticed, but once she further explained the game he agreed to play one round. Which turned into two. Then three.  </p><p>Sat by herself at the edge of the playground, she probably looked mad as she laughed and spoke to nobody. Then again, when Pennywise was involved it seemed as if others paid an even smaller mind to the strange little outcast that was Victoria Fuller.</p><p>Her reactions fueled his enthusiasm. There was a hint of smugness in his sparkling eyes whenever she asked him to do something she deemed challenging to a normal person. Half the time she didn't even try to catch him out, watching him with childlike awe. They’d continue their conversations with him still twisted up like a pretzel, and she began to feel a little less uncomfortable with the odd shapes he could press himself into. Especially when it was for fun. And Pennywise made lots of things seem fun. He made life less dull. And he was always, always happy to see her.</p><p>“Do you get cold in the sewer?”</p><p>“No. I have the whole circus down there, and popcorn, and rides and toys a-”</p><p>“Okay you have a lot of stuff,” she interrupted with exasperation. Pennywise loved to tell her all about his ‘underground circus’. He painted a picture in her head that was almost impossible to believe. But given what she knew about her companion, it was hard to say he was just lying. “You’d still be cold.”</p><p>“I do not get cold,” he said plainly, and then on a lighter note, “I am always warm and bright.” </p><p>She gave him a questioning look, “bright?”</p><p>“Yes, glowing.”</p><p>Victoria thought that the word made sense, even if what he was saying didn’t, “your eyes glow sometimes.”</p><p>Pennywise was silent. He was staring at some point behind her. Someone was approaching.<br/>
Victoria turned around in a flurry of movement. She felt guilty, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t, and then confusion at the person who stood before her. It was Courtney Dennis. </p><p>Her dark eyes cut into Victoria with a strong dislike brewing there. Hand on her hip she looked down at Victoria as if she were speaking to a slow toddler, “are you talking to yourself?”</p><p>Victoria’s mouth went dry. She felt Pennywise behind her as a strong presence, but her mind went blank. She just stared agape at the girl, unsure as to what to say. It didn’t feel like there was a right answer which wouldn't lead to being ridiculed in some way.</p><p>“I see you here, always being weird. That’s why you don’t have friends.”</p><p>Courtney’s words stabbed at her, and the urge to cry was slowly brimming behind her eyes like an oncoming thunderstorm. Despite it all, she squeaked out, “I do.”</p><p>Courtney, who had begun to look off to the side to where her usual group of friends sat waiting for her, looked back at Victoria with widened eyes, “No you don’t?”</p><p>“I have a friend,” her voice grew more confident, “and he's my best friend.”</p><p>Pennywise had said nothing during this exchange, and she felt a deep need to check he was still there, but she didn’t dare turn away from the glaring girl. Courtney pulled a strand of curling hair around the back of her ear and it looked like she was ready to leave, having grown bored of the conversation. But she added one last jab.</p><p>“Where is he then? I don’t see anyone, just a little freak.” her words were spoken quietly with self assurance, and when she could see Victoria didn’t have an answer she smiled and it was a dirty smile. “A loser who needs an imagi-”</p><p>Her face grew pale, wrinkled and tight with sudden fear. </p><p>“I-It’s you.”</p><p>Victoria stared at her with confusion. But Courtney was not looking at her. Courtney took a step back and faltered, as if unable to fully comprehend what she was seeing. Following her line of sight, Victoria finally turned to Pennywise.</p><p>His satin gloves were covering his face. She didn’t understand what he was doing. There was a thick silence between the three of them but she could hear Courtney's ragged breathing. And then Pennywise’s hands snapped apart, revealing a grin full of pointed teeth.</p><p>“Peek-a-boo!” he bellowed, voice full of growling grit. The girl screamed and leapt back.</p><p>Victoria remained frozen on the ground. Her heart hammered along to the beat of running shoes, the scuff of soft rubber hitting gravel as Courtney fled, and Pennywise rose to his full height. He looked larger and more intimidating than she’d ever imagined him looking, and it brought back into sharp focus those uncertain feelings when she first met him under the bleachers.</p><p>His eyes glinted golden, like liquid water shimmering in the warm sun. They burnt a trail along the back of the escaping girl. He took a hulking step forward.</p><p>“P-pennywise,” she said, breathless, voice like a mouse, “w-what are you doing?”</p><p>She stared up at him, the tall looming structure of her friend. She couldn't get past the teeth. Her smiling, jovial friend now sported serrated yellowed knives in his mouth, and she wasn't sure if he was aware of this fact. Fear boiled over like a raging red fountain, and her blood sounded loud in her ears. Pennywise tilted his head, giving her a cursive glance.</p><p>“What’s wrong little friend?” his voice slurred through his mouthful of fangs, which didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. </p><p>Victoria couldn’t speak, she just stared at him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand what she couldn’t communicate. He was frightening her.</p><p>Pennywise did seem to understand, because his many teeth retracted like a switchblade slicking back into its holster. But his eyes continued to burn that ferocious, awful color. Drool began spilling down his ruby lips, and in the distance behind him, she was vaguely aware of a teacher, Ms Moody herself storming over. Other kids were watching the oncoming confrontation with eager eyes, though some looked afraid, having heard the shrieking girl who had run past and into the school building. </p><p>“P-please,” she whispered, “go.”</p><p>The words had barely past her lips when Pennywise vanished into thin air. It looked like he was eager to get away for whatever reason, and now Victoria was faced with another issue, but she was far too shell shocked by what had happened to feel fear at the approach of her first period teacher.</p><p>She sat there in a daze when the woman started yelling, and rose unsteadily to her feet when asked, following the ranting woman indoors, the many sets of eyes on her no longer a concern.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Missing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No one likes me.”</p>
<p>“They all hate me.”</p>
<p>Victoria mumbled. The room was ever darkening, only a thin reflection of sunlight beaming in to meet the white bookshelves opposite her bed. Her homework papers lay splattered across the carpet while she lay on her stomach, drawing inside a coloring book. She was very careful to color within the lines, concentrating despite the bad mood which plagued her. </p>
<p>The smell of dinner being cooked came through the closed door, something savory. She knew her mother wouldn’t call her down when it was ready. The week had been filled with silences and annoyed looks. Her dinner plate would be left on the side when it was done, so she had to make sure she heard the kitchen timer go off if she wanted to eat when it was still hot. </p>
<p>It was stupid. She wasn't sure why her mother was so angry about her detention, it wasn’t her fault what had happened. It wasn’t.</p>
<p>She sat up and stretched her aching legs, but as she did her pen accidentally sliced across the paper in one long streak. Victoria stared at the line and then let out a frustrated cry. She squeezed the pen between her fingers and then flung it against her shelves where it bounced off and hit the ground. She placed the book down and pulled her knees up tight, pressing her head under her arms.</p>
<p>She glared at the darkness even as tears beaded and clumped along her eyelashes. </p>
<p>“I hate them,” she rubbed at her eyes, smearing the tears further and whimpered, “I hate them, why did Penny-”</p>
<p>The girl stopped the thought before it went further, but it was too late. The image of teeth, long and sharp, and burning eyes flooded her mind, as clear as the day it happened. </p>
<p>It was strange. Pennywise had never frightened her that day under the bleachers. At least not badly. Her friend was creepy, she could admit that. She knew even before what happened with Courtney, that the sight of him would be scary to those who didn’t know him. Know him like she did. Or like she thought she did anyhow. </p>
<p>When her father used to yell at her mother, their voices booming throughout the safety of their home, Victoria would leave as fast as possible, dive under her bed, and cover her ears tight like she was waiting for a thunderstorm to pass. Her heart would pound and she’d feel dizzy, upset and angry. A whole cocktail of emotions.</p>
<p>Maybe this was like that. Deep down she knew her mom and dad had loved each other. But they were like strangers when they fought. Monsters. And they could go back to being kind and loving on the same day which was disorientating. Maybe Penny was like that. Maybe he was just having a bad day. </p>
<p>Her heart ached when she looked to the empty closet. Pennywise hadn’t returned since she’d asked him to leave. She had even tried calling down the sewer drain as she walked to school but no one had come. It was only a week. But she couldn't help feeling abandoned and lost.</p>
<p>She stood and walked over to her shelves, taking a few sheets of plain paper then returned to the floor with her felt tips. She wiped her eyes dry and began drawing with orange, striking fast, curling lines, carefully outlining tufts of hair. She then added grey for his silk and red for his lips. It wasn’t her best drawing but it was simple and quick, which meant she had something of him to look at.</p>
<p>He smiled back at her with the blue dots she’d done for his eyes. He looked more like a snowman with buttons for eyes, but she liked giving him a friendly expression, because she liked him best when he was happy.  The chime of the kitchen timer went off downstairs.</p>
<p>Victoria hesitated before picking up a brown felt tip and drawing the start of another, smaller person beside him. She hadn’t drawn herself before, let alone in a picture with Pennywise. Maybe because he would laugh, or maybe she just didn’t like to see herself. But she drew now in long, firm lines, and added a pink smile. She left out her mark.</p>
<p>Once the picture was complete she placed it under her bed where she could reach, but it wouldn’t get trampled. She left it tucked safely under before standing to leave.</p>
<p>The door creaked open far too loudly, and the sound made her feel embarrassingly guilty as she trod down the steps. She walked past the front room where her mother was, lying stretched out on the sofa with the remote hanging out of her hand. Victoria bit her lip and continued past, entering the kitchen.</p>
<p>Inside she found her mother had made a large dish of pasta and had separated hers onto a smaller plate with a dish covering it. On the counter was a small white name tag reading ‘Laurie Desmond’. It used to be Laurie Fuller, but her mother was quick to change it back after separating from her father. Victoria liked when they shared the name, but she understood it was important to her mother.</p>
<p>She picked up the pasta and gathered her utensils before heading back into the hallway and stopping by the living room door. Her mother didn’t look up, her eyes glued to the screen like she was in a daze.</p>
<p>“Thank you for dinner.”</p>
<p>“No problem sweetie.”</p>
<p>There was some kind of talk show playing, with a man speaking to contestants. A cheering crowd was clapping at something said, and her mother chuckled. She didn’t turn to face her Victoria, who hovered uncertainty. Victoria licked her dry lips.</p>
<p>“Mommy?” the woman turned her head finally to look at her, “will you read to me tonight?”</p>
<p>The woman sat up, straightening her spine, “If there's time I will,” she gestured to the plate of food, “make sure you finish that, no leaving half a plate like yesterday.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Victoria responded, a little disappointed, but her mother had already turned back to the screen. She wanted to join her on the couch, but she wasn’t very good at testing the waters, and couldn’t tell what her mother's real mood was. Sometimes after work she was tired and snappy. Victoria did not want to annoy her so she went back upstairs.</p>
<p>Though later her mother gave her a peck goodnight, she did not read a bedtime story.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>The class filled up with almost every person accounted for. Victoria made her way towards the back center, her breath quickening as she felt the familiar looks which had followed her through the week. There was one less desk which had been removed at some point, but no one really noticed or remembered the student it had belonged to.<p>Courtney sat far away from Victoria, trying to act as if she didn’t exist. But the girl would send furtive glances around during the maths teachers board writing. Each time Victoria would see her move but pretended she didn’t, content to keep her head down and ignore everything. It was the only way she could stand the feeling of being a guilty party on trial for something she hadn't even done.</p>
<p>When the teacher's back was turned, she felt a tap at her arm and saw a crumpled up piece of paper had landed on her desk. She looked around and saw two boys in the corner watching her and both smirking, obviously the culprits. She unfurled the paper to see the red lined scribbles that said ‘if you paint your face you can hide the ugly mark and really be a clown’.</p>
<p>Since the situation with Courtney, there had been all kinds of jokes made not just at the girl, for what she said she saw, but at Victoria. Where once she would have faded into the background,  she now stood out like a circus side attraction, brought up to be mocked at and played for laughs. Even if Courtney was the one they believed to be telling crazy lies, it was just too easy and sadistically fun to pick on Victoria. </p>
<p>“Does anyone know the answer?” The teacher looked about at the silent class. Victoria frowned, her lip trembling, but she did not cry. She ignored the paper on her desk and stared forward at the back of the next seat.</p>
<p>When class was done she waited until everyone else had left, before packing up her bits, including the paper which she stuffed into her jean pocket. The teacher took no notice as she swept out of the room. When she got out she headed for the girls bathroom, ignoring anyone who passed her by as she went, staring firmly at the floor. </p>
<p>Because she rushed in thinking it was empty, she yelped when she almost collided straight into another who was standing just within the small entryway. She saw long hair that was almost white under the bleached out bathroom walls, and then met the person's gaze. Their eyes widened and they gasped quietly, “Victoria.”</p>
<p>It was Stacy Mccan. She looked nervous as her eyes swept the hall behind Victoria, before she came forward and grabbed the others hand.</p>
<p>“Hey-”</p>
<p>“I need to talk,” the desperation in her whispered voice gave Victoria pause, and she allowed herself to be dragged inside the empty bathroom.</p>
<p>There were three cubicles opposing a wall of sinks and mirrors. Victoria thought they were just going to talk there but Stacy ushered her into the first cubicle and locked the door behind them.</p>
<p>The inner cubicles were painted an olive green, the air a warm humidity despite a small wall fan purring on the ceiling. Both girls were silent, Victoria staring at Stacy and Stacy was staring at the shut door. The blond girl took a sipping breath and exhaled, turning to face Victoria. Now they were so close, Victoria could see tired lines under her eyes, the kind she usually saw on adults.</p>
<p>“You saw him, the…” Stacy gestured with her hand, as if her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth, “...the clown.”</p>
<p>Victoria said nothing. Pennywise was her secret friend.  Even if Stacy Mccan had seen him, it wasn’t her place to talk behind her friends back, even if he wasn’t talking to her right now. The other girl's eyes demanded an answer and Victoria looked at the cracked tiled ground. She shook her head in a jerky motion. </p>
<p>But apparently Stacy wasn’t having it, “Don’t- why are you lying? I know you did, because Courtney wouldn't shut up about him!” she lowered her voice to a hiss as if to reign herself in.<br/>
Victoria shook her head again. It didn’t matter that Courtney had seen him, Pennywise was only defending her when he scared the girl.</p>
<p>“He followed me home,” Stacy said, her voice serious, “he said bad things to me. He tried to grab me.”</p>
<p>“No,” Victoria felt a tremor of unease at the girls words, and she backed up against the wall, “no. He wouldn’t do that.”</p>
<p>The other girl gasped, “You admit it then.”</p>
<p>Victoria squeezed the flesh on her goosebumps risen arm, pressing her blunt nails in rhythmically. </p>
<p>Stacy continued, “I couldn’t say anything to the others. You see how Courtney’s being treated. How you…” the girl hesitated, tone hushed almost to a mouse whisper, “I could only tell you.”</p>
<p>She was lying, Victoria realized. There's no way she hadn’t spoken to Courtney and the other girls of their group. She had loads of friends and Victoria had none. Until now. She looked back at the girl with a frown. This was all some joke to hurt her.</p>
<p>“What do you care? Everyone likes you. You’re just trying to make fun of me.” Victoria wasn’t about to lose her only friend over lies.</p>
<p>Stacy’s expression sunk, but she pressed further, “I’m not- I’m saying we need to be careful. The clown is dangerous. He’ll hurt you.”</p>
<p>“He’s not bad, he probably didn’t like you,” she snipped, “you must have said something mean to him!”</p>
<p>Pennywise was like her in many ways, Victoria thought. He had no friends before her, but unlike him Victoria suffered quietly. She did not like confrontation, and it was rare she lost her temper. But Pennywise was the opposite, and Stacy must have made him mad for him to do something. Which he hadn’t, because she knew Stacy was lying.</p>
<p>“Look,” Stacy said, her own face growing tight and stormy, “I only wanted to warn you, to help. Do what you want,” she paused, and then said softer, “if you want to sit with my friends Vicky, you can.”</p>
<p>“Don’t call me Vicky!” she fumed, hands clenched to fists, “only my friends can, and you are not my friend!”</p>
<p>Stacy’s mouth gaped, and the silence that followed was only broken by the shuttered clicking of the ceiling fan. Stacy pursed her lips, but she looked thoroughly defeated and without a word, she twisted the lock to leave. Victoria remained still, pressed against the wall as if she wanted to become part of it, her cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>“Be careful,” Stacy muttered and the bathroom door slammed shut, leaving the lone girl to her thoughts.</p>
<p>Victoria waited, to see if she would come back but when Stacy didn’t, she moved over to the toilet and sat down upon the closed lid. Her hands trembled with adrenaline and she felt her eyes watering. She pulled off a few sheets of toilet roll and wiped the escaping tears away.</p>
<p>She stared at the cracked floor, and wondered for a solid minute, what had come over herself. She had just shouted at another girl, a popular one at that, for simply offering her to join a group. Never had she felt so angry before, and she had been through plenty of bad school bullying to have gotten mad before. Would everything in life always hurt this much?</p>
<p>At least she had Penny. Well, she had him, and now she did not. Her heart hurt, but she tried not to focus on him too much and headed out of the toilets.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>That night her mother cooked up a big lasagna. The sun was creeping behind the house when she arrived home, and her mother had finished work early, which meant she had time for them to eat together at the kitchen table.<p>“Come on, you can eat more than that,” Laurie gestured to the plate's leftovers.</p>
<p>“But mommy I’m so full,” it was no lie, she felt like she was going to burst. Her pained expression must have worked, because her mother rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue.</p>
<p>“Fine, off you go then.”</p>
<p>“Can I watch TV with you?”</p>
<p>“No Victoria,” her mother spoke with the exasperation of one who has repeated themselves many times before, “I’m watching a grown up film. Too scary for little old you. You can play in your room before bed.”</p>
<p>The girl didn’t argue with her, frustrated but understanding. It wasn’t her mother's fault she had no kid friends to play with outside. With a small thank you Victoria cleaned her plate in the sink and then trudged upstairs, her school bag a sagging weight over her shoulder.</p>
<p>When she reached her room, the door was wide opened, meaning her mother must have come in at some point to clean it. Though Victoria could still see plush toys discarded on the floor. She entered and hung her bag on the door handle for tomorrow, and then turned to find a seven foot clown standing in the middle of her room.</p>
<p>Her heart staggered in panic, but then her alarm faded, “Penny!”</p>
<p>There stood her friend in all his glory, like he was meant to be there, a smile stringed across his face. As if he had never left.</p>
<p>She rushed forward and stopped before him, which wasn’t saying much given the small sized room. She remembered what she had said to him, and the guilt held her in place, “are you mad at me?”</p>
<p>Pennywise shook his head, “No…” </p>
<p>His eyes were a warm blue, his carved cheeks softer then they had ever looked before. He reminded Victoria of waxy white stars in the night sky, and with her bedroom shrouded in blue light his skin was like moonlight. There wasn’t a trace of anger on his features which somehow made her feel worse. But when she tried to speak, to say sorry, all that came out was,</p>
<p>“I missed you,” She looked down at her shoes, “really bad.”</p>
<p>Pennywise said nothing for a moment, before he took a step forward and closed the distance between them.</p>
<p>“They’ve all been so cruel,” he said, and then he did something he’d never done before. </p>
<p>His long, slender fingers reached for her, and she was then enveloped in his arms. He shepherded her forward like a mother clutching her newborn, “so awful to my sweet girl.”</p>
<p>A feeling of relief hit her and her eyes widened. He had crouched down and her chin now rested in the creases of his floofy shoulder. Her mouth gaped open before the dam broke. She clutched at him and whimpered, tears rolling down her face. Her cries were long and gasping, like she couldn’t catch her breath. Her mother always said she was a dramatic crier. His hand held her upper arm and she looked at it through the blurry film of tears, the white silk on his glove was soft and comforting as he merely held her.</p>
<p>“You left me,” she hiccuped, the words a struggle to get out, “you were gone.”</p>
<p>“No child, never.”</p>
<p>“Then-n w-why?”</p>
<p>“I did not wish to frighten you. I had to be sure you were still my friend,” she couldn't see his face, but she heard the smile that came with his lilting tone. His other hand pawed at her hair, stroking it in a repetitive motion. She shut her eyes, enjoying the strange warmth emitting from his body.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you come when I c-called by the d-drain?”</p>
<p>“I did not hear you,” his hand continued to stroke lightly, and a strange noise rumbled from his chest, “do you trust me, Vicky?”</p>
<p>She nodded her head against him, holding tighter and muffling her sniffles. </p>
<p>“Those children,” he hissed, “horrible, horrible things aren’t they?”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded her head, unsure if he meant one specific person, but agreeing. He was right, they were all mean in someway or another. </p>
<p>“My poor girl. You do not deserve their wickedness, do you?”</p>
<p>“N-no,” she rubbed her head against his clothing, “but I have y-you so it’s okay.”</p>
<p>Pennywise remained quiet, hunched over her like a protective wall of silk and red buttons. Eventually they parted, his arms sliding off her. He remained there, watching her with curious eyes.</p>
<p>“Be honest child,” he stared deeply at her, concern dripping from his words, “they anger you, yes?”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded. She didn’t want to think about school kids right now, she just wanted him to hold her close again, but she didn’t dare ask.</p>
<p>“Then perhaps you should return the favor,” as he spoke his eyes glinted, catching a fleck of light and brightening to a sharp blue.</p>
<p>Victoria shook her head, “no, I don’t want to hurt anybody.”</p>
<p>Pennywise pulled back, his face aghast, “of course not, I would never suggest you do.”</p>
<p>His eyes fell out of alignment, so slight that she didn’t even notice until they snapped back, “you are so special Vicky, and they are not. None of them matter. They are like specs of dusts floating uselessly, while you are a bright shining star.”</p>
<p>The girl's heart leapt at his words, even if they were full of dark for the other children. There was a guilty flush to her cheeks as she stared at the ground, at his jester boots.</p>
<p>“Look at me Vicky,” his voice was a sibilant hiss. When she looked he was smiling, as warmly as he could with those long serrated lines sharpening his lips. She gave him a soft, unsure smile in return. He reached forward and stroked a single finger around the swell of her cheek, dampening his glove.</p>
<p>When he pulled away he inspected his glove, staring intently at the darkening wetness, his brow twitching. “There is no need to cry,” it almost sounded like he was questioning himself, “no need.”</p>
<p>Victoria settled in bed while Pennywise waited. He sat beside her bed while she snuggled into the duvet, closer than ever, as if some barrier had been broken between them. She remembered talking a while, and he was listening in silence, and after a few sleepy blinks when she was on the cusp of sleep, her eyes took in the room that now lay empty, before she finally slept.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was listening to a piano version of 'Found' from Steven Universe, and I realized it makes a great but sad theme song for Victoria, especially this chap :')</p>
<p>This story is going to take precedence over my others I think, because I actually have a plan lol. I know how it ends and have even written parts - I don't know how long it'll take to get there though! (I will get to the others I promise!)</p>
<p>Hope you enjoyed and thanks for continued reading ^-^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. One Two Many</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wandered through a fog, an endless mist of white, unable to tell where it began or ended. She called out into the distance, and it was as though she'd lost her voice. Been muted. Neither her voice nor any other's responded. </p><p>She trudged aimlessly on, having no other option but to hunt for the end. Maybe it didn’t exist? Maybe the end was not what she was truly looking for. In fact, she felt as if there was very little she did know about this place, and that made her nervous, but it was a far away feeling, as undefinable as her surroundings. </p><p>“I can’t go back.”</p><p>A voice, loud in her ears. A man's voice, full of fear. Spoken as if right beside her.</p><p>She yelled out, but again her voice made no noise. She frowned, fingers clenched to fists. The fog was impenetrable, like a white sheet swallowing her whole. She stopped moving and listened. There was silence, but it felt like a held breath.</p><p>“I just can’t!” the man wailed, “No! Never!”</p><p>Frightened she fell to the floor. The ground beneath her began to line with tiny fissures, cracking open into a darkness that was just as deep and unnatural as the fog. The crooked lines stood out among all the white, like the delicate strings connecting a spiders web.</p><p>“Please not again!”</p><p>She felt sick, her stomach aching and tight. Something was churning, like she’d gotten a belly ache from eating something rotten. She gripped at her sides, digging her fingers into flesh, as if she could prevent the pain coiling inside of her from spreading. </p><p>Her body convulsed and her eyes rolled back. She hacked, falling forward with her neck bent down and brought up something from deep inside. Her hands shot forward to prevent herself from hitting the ground. Something rose in her throat with each heave. It splattered on the ground in a messy stain of ink. She stared, shaking.</p><p>Chunks of oozing flesh, painted black like a pile of wet, steaming coal. Black blood, she thought. The liquid seeped into the open cracks on the ground, filling the fathomless void bursting open beneath her feet, and then overflowing. The blood trailed towards her, sluggish like mud, and began to float off the ground in tiny specks, like little dark rubies. The sight jolted her and then-</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>Victoria woke with tears running down her face, a startled scream coming out of her in a long breath. She pressed her hand to her throat, then her face and lips. There was nothing there, certainly no evidence of what she had seen coming out of her.<p>“M-momm-y,” she sobbed, unable to shout. No one came rushing in to check on her. Victoria whimpered and curled in tight, her tears seeping into the soft cotton of her pajamas.The images replayed over and over, intensely fresh. Victoria had never before dreamed of something so awful, so confusing. She was still shivering, when a large white hand materialized on her shoulder.</p><p>She turned. The soft eyes of her best friend met her own. He had crouched beside her bed, leaning in close, like her own personal superhero ready on call for when she needed him most. His presence filled her with relief.</p><p>“What upsets you child?”</p><p>Victoria twisted fully and embraced the clown, “I’m s-scared. I had a bad dream,” she hiccuped.</p><p>“I cannot rid you of those,” he grunted, stiffening under her touch.</p><p>“T-that’s okay, neither can my mommy,” realizing she was making him uncomfortable, Victoria released the clown and sat further back on her bed to make room for him. Pennywise remained standing, frozen in place where she had held him as if he’d not noticed he was free to move. She patted her soft purple duvet.</p><p>Pennywise tilted his head, and then after a moment sunk down upon it. He dwarfed the structure so much that Victoria found herself almost squished into the wall.</p><p>“You’re so big!” she laughed, her cheeks still damp. Pennywise clicked his tongue.</p><p>“The problem is that you are too small.”</p><p>“I still have growing to do,” she wiggled her toes under the blanket, then frowned, “do adults have bad dreams?”</p><p>“Yes,” Pennywise said, sudden and dull, as if the conversation didn’t interest him.</p><p>“You have nightmares?” Victoria said with soft surprise. Her limbs still jelly like from the fresh memory of the dream lingering.</p><p>“Of course not,” he scoffed, head shaking, “only humans do.”</p><p>“Oh-h yeah...I forgot you’re a- a clown,” the girl squinted and looked him over. She knew this wasn’t quite the right answer but was unsure if it was a subject that should be broached.</p><p>Pennywise giggled, eyes shimmering in the still dark room, “if only.”</p><p>She had no idea what he meant, but he didn’t continue so she ignored it, “do you wish you could dream?”</p><p>“I never said I didn’t,” his painted red lips pulled into a straight line, “but I do not have bad ones.”</p><p>Victoria huffed, “lucky,” then she thought about it further and her eyes widened, “maybe if you stay when I sleep, you could keep- the dreams, the bad ones away, like a-” her hands were a flurry of movement which the clown watched with some interest, “like a dream-catcher!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“A dream- it’s this string, like a spiderweb, and it's supposed to catch the bad dreams, and only let the good ones in.” </p><p>“You think I can ward off nightmares like a human ornament.”</p><p>The girl crossed her arms, frowning, “I- I don’t know, but since you don’t have bad dreams, maybe it could…”</p><p>“No,” Pennywise shook his head, “it would not work.”</p><p>“Yes it would,” she returned, and the clown blinked, “if I believed it would.”</p><p>“Believed?” Pennywise's eyes darkened. He stared off into space, feeling suddenly distant from her. Victoria hesitated, then continued.</p><p>“Well...the normal one only works if you believe it does. Like the tooth fairy and Santa. You need to believe.”</p><p>The clown said nothing for a long while, or what felt like a long time to Victoria. Silence stretched out between them like a hook sinking further into murky seas, and she waited nervously for him to speak. Her fingers twisted into the sheets.</p><p>“Yes…” he finally said, “belief is power, but only if you wield it right,” he smiled and Victoria was reminded of that awful day and sharp, sharp teeth, “it can also be used against you Vicky.”</p><p>“R-really?”</p><p>“Yes,” he purred.</p><p>Her heart beat fast and she didn’t know why. She suddenly felt very small in that tight space between the wall and her friend's body. Caged.</p><p>“How?” </p><p>“Maybe one day you will see,” he stood from her bed and wiped his sleeve across his face. </p><p>Worry clawed at her heart as he stepped away, “Penny?”</p><p>He twisted back to face her, neck not in line with his body until it was. He grinned with shining eyes, wide and interested.</p><p>“What did you dream about, Vicky?”</p><p>She looked down at her hands and mumbled, “I don’t...remember...”</p><p>For some reason, Victoria had the sudden feeling that Pennywise might be angry if she told him too much. She hadn’t told him about the other dream for the very same reason. It was an unconscious feeling, like a dormant instinct clawing at her mind and trying to silence her. </p><p>“Oh?” the clown responded, the click of his tongue lashing inside his mouth as he pronounced his words with a slow flourish, peaking into a sound that was almost an accusation.</p><p>Heat crept over Victoria’s face. His tone was similar to her mothers when she would catch Victoria in a lie. Lying was a terrible skill of hers, and seeing any disapproval on her friends face would be too much.</p><p>“...I remember someone shouting, and being sick on the floor,” she stared at the lines on her clammy hand, unable to meet his eyes, “I- I get scared very easy.”</p><p>Pennywise came back close to her, “you do,” then his face grew sad, “but there is nothing wrong with that, sometimes it is good to be afraid.”</p><p>“I don’t see how,” she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.</p><p>“It means you sense danger. A prey’s natural defense."</p><p>She gave him a look to which he said, “you are prey to your fear.”</p><p>“I guess so.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>That day Victoria spent indoors as the rain hammered on outside. It was the weekend so she had nowhere to be. Her mother decided to head next door to chat with Jo, a middle aged woman who liked to gossip outside her home in her pajamas, with a cigarette hanging from between her fingers.<p>“I’m just popping over to Jo’s for a short bit, will you be okay?”</p><p>The two would often spend hours chatting, and usually Victoria liked the time alone, but sometimes she felt nervous in their empty home, a little lonely even, but today was different.</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Victoria nodded enthusiastically. Her mother's brows twitched, drew together for a moment before she shrugged. Behind her Pennywise was sitting on their kitchen table, smiling.</p><p>“Alright, just shout if you need me. There’s snacks in the bottom cupboard,” she grabbed her front keys and pulled a strand of blond hair behind her ear, “do not make a mess, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Her mother hovered there for a moment, and then spun to look into the kitchen. For a moment Victoria held her breath, sure that her mother was staring right at the clown. But then with a small shudder, Laurie Fuller turned away and gave Victoria a quick peck on the cheek before heading to the front door.</p><p>“Behave!” she called as she shut it behind her but left it unlocked. Once it clicked shut Victoria went into the kitchen.</p><p>She was bouncing on the tip of her feet, “the house is all ours now, what do you wanna do?”</p><p>Pennywise was still watching the hallway, his eyes glazed and unseeing. </p><p>“Penny?”</p><p>He blinked, slow and reptilian like, before answering her, “what would you like to do?”</p><p>“Well…” she thought back to the games they played at recess, and the ones they couldn’t do because of others watching, “how about hide and seek? Then maybe we coul-”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“You really like that one?”</p><p>Pennywise nodded and uncrossed his long legs. The table did not creak under his weight, as if he barely weighed a thing. However Victoria knew he did, but it was just another strange mystery of her friend that she knew had no answer.</p><p>“I can go first! I’ll be It. You get five minutes to hide,” Pennywise looked disappointed, his red lines sagging into a pout, “oh it’s okay, you can be It after I find you.”</p><p>“I am always It when I play,” he made a low guttural sound, like a car engine rumbling at the back of his throat.</p><p>“Don’t you get bored?”</p><p>He pushed his arms out in a stretch, his gloved fingers flexing, “no,” he looked at her and smirked, “I am very good at finding others.”</p><p>She moved back so he could step off the table, “but if it's so easy then why do it?”</p><p>“Once I find a person their reactions are very amusing.”</p><p>“Huh,” Victoria tried to imagine it and giggled, “you must give people a real spook when you find them.”</p><p>“Yes,” he mused, “ I certainly do.”</p><p>Finding Pennywise proved to be a lot harder than Victoria had expected. So much so that she found herself calling out, “you best not be cheating!”</p><p>The ensuing silence was just as unsettling, and she knew he had to be somewhere. She searched every room twice, all the main spots and considered searching outside, but was sure Pennywise would remain in the house since she’d asked him to. There was only one room she hadn’t checked, simply because she wasn’t allowed in there. She’d told Pennywise this before but he hadn’t understood why it would be off limits.</p><p>Her mother's bedroom door was shut, and she had heard no opening while she counted down. But she knew how quiet her friend could be.</p><p>With a look downstairs to make sure her mother wasn’t coming in early, she hesitated and then opened the bedroom door.</p><p>She checked under the bed, feeling increasingly uncomfortable but determined to find him. Her mother would be mad if she found out, so Victoria tried to be quick. Finally she checked the narrow closet beside the bed, doubtful he would be in there. Her mother kept most of her clothes on a metal rack behind Victoria, in easy reach, but also because the closet was more decorative than anything. It could only fit a few coats and dresses inside.</p><p>The door creaked open and displayed a few articles of clothing. Victoria sighed, and grabbed a sleeve, pulling it aside. A white face grinned back.</p><p>“Ah!” she shrieked, dropping the sleeve and jumping back. Pennywise rustled about and the closet trembled, before he crawled out of it, like a giant caterpillar emerging from its cocoon. His limbs bent into unnatural positions until his boots finally touched the floor.</p><p>“Found me,” he sang, looking far too cheery at his loss, “now <i>I</i> get to play.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she gasped, still recovering from her fright. She gave him a watery smile as he waited for her to go ahead, “um...okay, give me five minutes,” she said as she displayed her fingers, and walked back to the doorway. Pennywise followed her movements with narrowed eyes, his smile falling away as he watched her retreat.</p><p>“Ready?” she said, already feeling her nerves tighten into a ball of jittery excitement in her chest.</p><p>The clown jerked his head in a hurried nod, and he gave her a strange grin, “yes, go.”</p><p>“Okay start counting!” She ran out and down the stairs, treading lightly. At the bottom she slipped her shoes off to make her even quieter and left them by the front door. </p><p>Her mother hadn’t the time to play games like this, and she wasn’t a very physical person to begin with. Even her dad wasn’t interested in hide and seek, and Victoria understood it was a kids game, but she never had any friends come round to do it at home, so this was a first. She wasn’t bothered if Pennywise found her quickly, she was just so thrilled that he was indulging in her play.</p><p>A few minutes must have passed, and she needed to decide on her final spot. There was a gap under the sofa which she could squeeze into, but it was so easy to see with one passing glance. The kitchen was useless. But past the living room was a storage room that was slightly opened, meaning she didn’t need to worry about the sound of it opening.</p><p>It was where her mother kept the tumble dryer, which took up most of the space besides some wooden shelves full of house repair equipment and an old screwdriver. She tiptoed inside but left the door ajar so she had some light. The dryer was open and loaded with clothes, but it was big enough that she felt she could fit inside and push the clothes in front of her. It was a bit similar to Pennywise, but she doubted he’d think to look straight away. If she could go just a little longer without being caught, that would make her the winner.</p><p>Time was running out. She opened the door and crouched down, peering in. She couldn’t see anything, but the load moved as she put her hand inside, spinning on its wheel. The smell was humid and musky, but not too unpleasant. She was glad she had taken her shoes off. </p><p>It took a bit of effort to make room for herself  and pull her whole body in, but she finally sunk down on the metal cylinder, which rocked back and forth in a gentle sway. She leaned forward and grabbed the rectangular door and pulled it to.</p><p>She didn’t close it all the way, that would be too scary, and she was already in a very dark room, with only a glimmer of light from the living room. The clothes would have to do, but she was already finding out how hot and stuffy it was, every breath she took caused dewy droplets to form on her face. Victoria remained still, and waited.</p><p>The dark gave her time to think, and unfortunately her mind decided to revisit her nightmare. Black chunks steaming on the ground, fresh from her throat. She grimaced at the thought. It was so horrible. She was glad Pennywise didn’t ask her for further details, he just accepted what she had said without picking at it. He was such a good friend.</p><p>She tried listening closely, her breathing subdued. There was nothing. Her friend was incredibly quiet as if he wasn’t even looking. But she knew more than five minutes had gone by. </p><p>Pennywise had special things he could do, which was always pretty obvious, but now she wondered if he would use his special ways to find her. She hoped not, she had told him no cheating. Though she’d have no way of knowing if he did or not.</p><p>An unknown amount of time ticked by, and she found herself growing sleepy in the warm darkness. Her eyes fluttered and she blinked hard to stay focused. There was a loud creak as the storage room door opened.</p><p>Her breathing stopped. She almost squeaked out in fear as her pulsed quickened. Light flooded in but there was no sound of movement. Distantly she could hear the low patter of rain hitting the house, and her own soft breathing resumed. She fought the urge to swallow. Her entire frame was taut with tension. The moment he found her was coming, she was certain.</p><p>The door had opened but there were no footsteps. Had he merely poked his head in to look and then leave? Her question was answered then by a patterned tapping above her. Something rapped against the white covering of the dryer. It sounded like fingernails. Victoria’s eyes widened but she remained silent.</p><p>The door whined as it was pried open and light spilled in. She covered her mouth with her hand to prevent a single sound leaving her lips. From her position behind the sopping wet clothes she couldn’t see anything, just feel the cool draft chill her now soaked dungaree.</p><p>She waited for a gloved hand to suddenly grasp her, but it never came. The door swung shut and clicked into place.</p><p>Had it actually worked? She waited a while, but nothing happened. A small grin grew at her victory, and she pressed the door open to find her friend and reveal herself.</p><p>Except the door wouldn’t budge. She pushed harder, but it was as if the lock was stuck. At first she didn’t panic. She maneuvered herself and kicked out with her foot, but it was like kicking concrete. Realizing that she was well and truly stuck she called out.</p><p>“Penny! I need help!”</p><p>She kept trying to push the door, which was only a small, rectangular thing that should open easily. It would only remain locked if the dryer was on.</p><p>“Pennywise!”</p><p>The dryer made a strange, mechanical noise and began to rumble to life under her. Victoria shrieked, and tears pooled at the corners of her eyes.</p><p>“Penny,” she sobbed, “help me.”</p><p>All of a sudden the noise stopped, and the dryer went still. Victoria shook inside the dark small space, wet and miserable and afraid. The door then tore open, and as light burst in Pennywise’s face became visible. </p><p>“Vicky,” his voice sounded sorrowful but his eyes were bright and orange. He parted the damp washing and held his hands out to her, which she took.</p><p>He pulled her out and she stood there, shivering. </p><p>“I don’t want to play this anymore.”</p><p>“I did not intend to upset you,” the clown said, kneeling before her, “I was only playing.”</p><p>“You locked me in?” she questioned, hurt.</p><p>Pennywise looked down at the floor when he answered, “...yes.”</p><p>She could see he felt somewhat guilty, from the way he avoided her gaze. But his eyes still held that mischievous glint. But he said he was only playing, and friends played pranks on each other didn’t they? Maybe she was just too sensitive, like her mother said.</p><p>“You are not sensitive, I shouldn’t have been so rough.”</p><p>Victoria softened at his words, and wiped her eyes free of the budding tears.</p><p>“It won’t happen again,” he stated, and gave her a small smile, “promise promise?”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment before leaping forward to wrap her arms around his ruffled neck, “promise promise.”</p><p>She was already wet from head to toe, so the string of saliva that rolled off her shoulder went unnoticed.</p><p>Pennywise left shortly after that, saying he had something important to do but would be back soon. And he was, only a short hour later he appeared beside her on the couch, making her jump and almost throw her entire bowl of popcorn onto the floor.</p><p>“Penny!” she grumbled, and he gave a short chuckle before leaning over and plucking a piece of popcorn from her bowl and bringing it to his face.</p><p>She watched him eat with a mystified expression, as he crunched the popcorn with a single bite and swallowed it. When she offered him more he declined. </p><p>He allowed her to sit beside him and she took the opportunity to sit as close as possible. She didn’t want to ask him to hold her but she desperately wished he would. Sitting with Pennywise reminded her of when she was really little, sitting on her fathers lap while he watched T.V. </p><p>They watched a funny show where people would have silly accidents, like a child falling off a slide or a person colliding with someone else. Pennywise giggled incessantly throughout, and so Victoria found it extra funny because he was so amused. He would mutter about ‘humans being so clumsy’ and Victoria had to agree.</p><p>They watched films late into the evening until her mother returned, apologizing that she’d been gone all day. Victoria hadn’t noticed. Eventually she went to bed and accidentally said goodnight to Pennywise in the living room, but he had already vanished.</p><p>Her mother gave her a strange look, before ushering her upstairs.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>Endless dark surrounded her. At first that was all she saw, but within the darkness there was a tiny spec of light.  She watched it, entranced. It’s light fluttered, like the wings of a hummingbird before it moved. It was so lovely and soft. She wanted to reach out and hold it between her hands.<p>There was something else, too. Something big was approaching. The little light pulsed like a panicked heartbeat, and her own sped up in fear. </p><p>It whizzed by and that was when she sensed the other, moving much faster behind it. The light was being chased. Something closed in and the <i>light screamed</i>.</p><p>“Don’t hurt me!”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>She awoke gasping for air, and gripped her chest, as if to hold her heart in place as it hammered against her rib cage. She did not call out for anyone.
<p></p><div class="center"></div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It’s a little long. Whoops.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Classes were littered with paper and glue drawings of spiders, bats and pumpkins, and the teachers had begun stock pilling sweets to give out on the school day before children took off for an evening of trick or treating. Victoria didn’t like Halloween much. Her mother never let her eat too many sweets. She did however, look forward to her birthday which was on the sixteenth at the end of the week. What was even better this year was she had a new friend to celebrate it with. It would make her eighth birthday extra special.</p>
<p>The air outside had grown chilly and the leaves turned orange and red. She donned more coats and long sleeved tops as the weather cooled. Pennywise on the other hand was the same as ever, unaffected by the change in season, perhaps due to the puffy clown outfit, which she supposed kept him well warm.</p>
<p>It was the last Monday before her birthday, and she was sitting inside the school cafeteria. The room was full of chatter and the rustle of bags as kids munched at their lunches. Groups of friends possessed their own tables which you could only join if you were part of the gang. Her own table seated two other kids who she didn’t know very well, and who made no effort at conversation. Victoria nibbled at her ham and cheese sandwich, wondering what Pennywise was up to right now.</p>
<p>He could appear right here if he wanted, but that was unlikely. Since the incident outside during recess, Pennywise had shown up less and less at school, despite her asking him to come. He showed on occasion, especially when she felt really lonely, as if her sad mood drew him in. But he was more elusive than ever, claiming to be busier than usual. When she’d asked what was keeping him busy, he had wagged his finger at her and said ‘it was a secret’. </p>
<p>She missed him so much during the day. She prodded at the untouched grapes inside her lunchbox. The lunchbox was a pretty blue one with the character Elsa from Frozen pictured on the side with little snowflakes. She wondered if Pennywise would like to watch that film with her.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Finish your food.'</i>
</p>
<p>She looked up in surprise. The only adult in the room was an elderly dinner lady standing behind the food counter. No one was even looking at her. She shook her head.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘You need to eat, Vicky.’</i>
</p>
<p>Victoria dropped the half eaten sandwich into her lunchbox and whipped around. The other kids sat at her table paused their conversation to give her a bewildered look that faded into annoyance.</p>
<p>“Penny?” she whispered. There was no answer. And why would there be? He was clearly not here. Yet she recognized the voice that had spoken with complete assurance. </p>
<p>Maybe it was simply her way of comforting herself now that he wasn’t with her. Creating an imaginary Pennywise out of her need for his company.</p>
<p><i>‘I wish you were here’</i>, she thought.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Is that so?’</i>
</p>
<p>Victoria gaped, <i>‘you can hear me?’</i></p>
<p>
  <i>‘Obviously.’</i>
</p>
<p>She wondered how it was possible, but reminded herself that her friend was not a normal person. Pennywise had special powers she couldn’t even begin to understand. This was probably nothing to someone like him. But if so, why had he left it so long to show her? She asked, feeling odd as she let the question cross her mind rather than speaking it aloud.</p>
<p><i>‘It would not work,’</i> was his simple answer.</p>
<p>She blinked and rubbed at her eyes, <i>‘are you reading my mind now?’</i></p>
<p>
  <i>‘No. How could I? I only hear what you wish me to.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘How? I didn’t wish anything.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Perhaps not on purpose, but you did and so I can.’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘Oh…’</i> she still felt deeply confused. She had been thinking of Pennywise when he ‘heard her’. Maybe it was like this belief thing they spoke about. She frowned with frustration.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘How come you never did this before? All those times I missed you…’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘It was not possible,’</i> his voice grunted, <i>‘so I could not.’</i></p>
<p>It seemed that was the best answer she was going to receive. It bothered her that there were so many things Pennywise refused to share or explain better, but it was just the way he was.</p>
<p><i>‘Perhaps your belief was not strong enough,’</i> he suggested slyly.</p>
<p><i>‘That’s not true!’</i> she grimaced and the girl opposite her gave her a wary stare.</p>
<p>She was so in awe by this new special thing they shared that she barely noticed the group of girls that had come and sat down near the cafeteria entrance.</p>
<p>When she did her stomach plummeted. Among the group she saw the fair hair of Stacy, as the girl sat down and opened her clear pink lined lunchbox. Victoria looked down at her unfinished lunch, gnawing her lip.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘What bothers you?’</i>
</p>
<p>She twisted her feet under the table, the thick sole of her sneakers rubbing together, “I’m just-” she stopped, deeply embarrassed as the other kids looked at her again. The boy scoffed and whispered something to the girl, and they both stood up, carrying their lunches. Victoria felt her cheeks go pink and kept her gaze lowered. She watched them from her peripheral as they walked off to another empty table, leaving her alone. </p>
<p>
  <i>‘There was something I meant to ask you.’</i>
</p>
<p>She pressed her fingers against the sleeves of her long yellow top, pinching at her skin through the thin fabric. Her eyes lifted to the group once more. They were busy eating and chatting to one another, paying no mind to their surroundings, or the lone girl watching them from her empty table. At least she didn’t think they were, but Stacy was sitting facing her direction, and would have definitely seen her by now.</p>
<p>A familiar sensation of dread took hold of her, at the idea of telling Pennywise what had happened. Confronting him. She didn’t want to say anything, but the thoughts were like a bad itch, and if she didn’t ask him she’d go crazy.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘A girl in class told me she saw you. And you followed her home.’</i>
</p>
<p>There. She said it. All she could do now was brace for his answer, and hope she hadn’t hurt his feelings too much. It was a horrible accusation to make of Pennywise and she only needed him to reaffirm what she already knew.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘I did.’</i>
</p>
<p>Victoria stared forward, face blank. A creeping cold settled inside her as she waited for him to cackle in amusement at his joke. But Pennywise did nothing. He said not a single word more, and she was left to ruminate over his answer as if it was a strange and foreign object she had never seen before. </p>
<p>She looked down at her cherry red grapes and felt ill. She mouthed out the words as she thought them.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘What?’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘I followed little Stacy Mccan home, so I may speak with her, as I told you I would,’</i> he spoke with a low murmur that gave no hint as to what kind of conversation they had.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘You-...she said...she said you were scary, and tried to grab her?’</i>
</p>
<p>The clown's voice was oil sweet when he replied, as if he did not see reason for the fuss she was making, <i>‘she is not a nice girl. Not like you Vicky. She is bad.’</i></p>
<p>Victoria frowned, <i>‘how, what did she do?'</i></p>
<p><i>‘Do you think a nice girl would speak in secret, yet ignore you all other times?’</i> he questioned, <i>‘she thinks little of you. As do the other brats she clings to, they are all the same. All bad all worthless. Filth and dirt. Belong in the weeds.’</i></p>
<p>He sounded angry, as angry as she’d ever heard him, and that would have frightened Victoria if not for the fact it wasn’t aimed at her. It was true that Victoria was ignored by Stacy aside from that one time, but everyone else treated her the same, so it wasn’t like Stacy’s group was unique. When Victoria expressed this, Pennywise giggled.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Yes. All the others are useless too. Don’t you see?’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘No I- why are they?’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Because they are beneath you and I.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘But why?’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘You are- you are my friend. That is why.’</i> he answered sharply. Victoria let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘I can’t think like that Penny. I...I don’t-’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Remember when you hated them so strongly, with all your tiny heart? When I was gone?’</i>
</p>
<p>She didn’t question how he knew that but she found herself nodding without speaking.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘You do think like me. You know the truth, deep down. They deserve to hurt the way they hurt you. And more.’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘You shouldn’t hurt others, it makes you just as bad,’</i> she responded softly.</p>
<p>Pennywise made a strangled sound that sounded like a growl and a groan, <i>‘who told you this?’</i></p>
<p>
  <i>‘I-It’s just true, everyone knows it. My mommy would agree.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Is mother always correct?’</i>
</p>
<p>Victoria’s face drew down and she pursed her lips, <i>‘are you saying she’s wrong?’</i></p>
<p>Pennywise was silent for a time. She packed up her uneaten meal with slow hands, zipping it up and then waiting for his response. The room was emptying as kids finished and headed out to play. She sat there staring at her closed lunchbox.</p>
<p>His voice came back in a sly whisper, just as she decided to get up, <i>‘didn’t mommy leave you all alone? Tell me, Buddy. Who was there when you cried out in the night?’</i></p>
<p>Victoria pulled her belongings from the table with more force than necessary, <i>‘...you,’</i> she replied sulkily.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘And who dealt with the nasty girl child that offended you?’</i>
</p>
<p>She let out a puff of air and tightened her grip on her backpack, leaving the cafeteria, <i>‘you.’</i></p>
<p><i>‘What then,’</i> he began with great relish, <i>‘has your mother done for you more than I?’</i></p>
<p>“She’s my mommy and I love her,” Victoria hissed. She stood in the connecting hallway which was thankfully empty. Her arms fell to her sides and her fists bundled into tight balls. Her heart was beating erratically. </p>
<p><i>‘I did not mean to anger you.’</i> Victoria tried to slow her breathing and quickly found herself wiping away a stream of tears. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she said, and covered her weeping eyes with her palms. Her bag sloped sideways off one shoulder, “I’m sorry,” She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for but it was all she could say. The heat of anger left her feeling exhausted.</p>
<p>She felt his presence long before she saw him. A solid warmth at her back, and then his long arms winded around her.</p>
<p>“Vicky,” he rumbled, “do not cry.”</p>
<p>“W-why were you mean about mommy,” she sniffled, leaning her head back against his front and loping an arm around his own.</p>
<p>“I simply wished to show you-” he paused. She shut her eyes and listened to the purring breaths from deep within his chest. His fingers came up to her shoulders, and laid upon them. It was an awkward weight, as if he was unsure whether he planned to push her back or hold her closer.</p>
<p>“Do you trust Pennywise?”</p>
<p>Victoria sighed wetly against him and nodded her head without speaking. He was secretive and sometimes said bad things, but he had also been a better friend to her than any other, and for that she was grateful.</p>
<p>“Come play outside after you finish your day of learning,” he said, and it took Victoria a moment to understand what he meant.</p>
<p>“After school?” he nodded. Victoria rubbed her face and moved back. She gave him a delicate smile that threatened to break at the slightest of force, “I don’t know if my mom will let me out-”</p>
<p>“She will.” Pennywise assured, his eyes a crystal blue, “you need only ask.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” she whispered, voice thread like and wavering. Pennywise tilted his head and gave her a soft smile. </p>
<p>He disappeared and left her to the rest of her school day, with no more chatter between their minds. It gave Victoria time to think and in that time, she couldn’t help but think about what he was saying before. </p>
<p>She held no good will towards most of her classmates. But she never felt the need to lash out. Even if they deserved it. She just wanted to be left alone, and no amount of Pennywise pushing her would change that.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>“Can I play outside?”<p>Laurie Desmond lowered the magazine to her lap and looked up at her daughter standing by the couch. Her girl had a look of nervous excitement on her face, and it suddenly occurred to Laurie just how much Victoria had changed. About to hit eight. So young, yet she could already see the slight hints of baby fat disappearing, and her daughter looked so big to her all of a sudden, that it made a part of her heart weep. </p>
<p>Ever since her father left, Victoria had been withdrawn and quiet. She had always struggled at school, despite Laurie’s many appointments with the school teachers to confront the issue. Things were getting better, but nowadays Victoria said very little, and she never complained of bullying. Laurie hadn’t the time anymore with her extra work hours making up for single parenthood, so she liked to think the problem was sorted. </p>
<p>“Sure,” she said, then thought about it more clearly, “hang on, by yourself?”</p>
<p>“No, I made a new friend,” Victoria smiled, glowing with joy. Well, that sure was something. Laurie smiled back.</p>
<p>“That’s nice honey, that’s…” the situation was so foreign to her that for a moment she forgot what you were meant to do. Victoria had never asked to play outside, she had nowhere to go unless it was with Laurie.</p>
<p>“Where are you playing?”</p>
<p>Victoria worried at her lip and her eyes twitched. This would have caused Laurie to question further, knowing her daughter well enough to see the signs of a lie, but for some reason all she felt was a sense of calm. </p>
<p>“Just a road away, he’s going to show me some old toys.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” she responded, eyes drifting back towards the television which was muted, “well, as long as you’re in by dinner time. Alright?”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded. Good, her sweet girl was so good. The idea that she’d be doing anything naughty was a concept Laurie wasn’t even sure existed. True, she had a little schoolyard disagreement a few weeks back, but it was a silly thing. Very silly and not important. She relaxed back against her seat, satisfied.</p>
<p>“See you soon mommy,” Victoria ran over and pecked Laurie’s cheek, then placed her school bag by the front door before leaving, a small click signalling the front door locking.</p>
<p>Yes. She’d raised a good girl, despite all the hardships. It hardly occurred to her that she’d forgotten to ask the house number or even the boy's name. When it did, the thought quickly slid away like a lost boat disappearing into a fog.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>The clown’s hand was tight around hers, not hurting, but enough to make her palm sweat under the thick glove despite the cool air steaming from her mouth. It was chilly and the sun was setting quicker as each day drew nearer to winter, but she wasn’t scared at all. She knew Pennywise would take care of her.<p>“Are we close yet?” she asked.</p>
<p>Pennywise continued his slow strides, his face never turning as he spoke, “yes.”</p>
<p>“You said that five minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“Is five minutes a long time?” She pouted up at him, and caught the tail end twitch of his lips even as he refused to stop or meet her glare.</p>
<p>“Maybe not to you, but for me it’s massive!” she threw up her spare arm as if to prove a point.</p>
<p>“Everything to you is massive,” he intoned.</p>
<p>“Hey!” she whined, casting him a sour look while still allowing him to pull her along. It went quiet while Victoria stirred in her thoughts. </p>
<p>Knowing she had lied to her mother left a bad taste in her mouth, but she couldn't deny it was exciting to disobey. And Pennywise said he would show her something fun.</p>
<p><i>‘Penny?’</i> she tried, curious if he would respond. This time he did break his gaze from their path, looking down at her with wide, inquisitive eyes. She blushed under the attention and looked at the pavement.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Yes?’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘I like this. Now you’re always with me even when you’re not.’</i>
</p>
<p>She gazed shyly at their combined hands, and pressed in closer to his side. </p>
<p>Pennywise didn’t flinch or pull away. He gave no physical reaction to her closeness other than to keep walking, his hand gently squeezing her much smaller one.</p>
<p>The streets grew dimmer as they passed less and less traffic. The few adults that walked by took little notice of her. The houses grew sparse until they were in an area full of wild grass that had yellowed under the summer sun and now drooped in the cold conditions. Victoria brushed her fingers over the high plant and found them stiff like wire, unbending. She pulled her hand back.</p>
<p>“Is that it?” she whispered.</p>
<p>To their right side, the pavement was attached to a dark structure. It was a house Victoria had never seen before, and for a moment she wondered if it had been dressed up for Halloween. It was like a void sucking in all light from the street, an ink blot sunk onto paper. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Pennywise’s voice held a cheerful lilt, a smooth hiss catching the last letter and dragging it out. Worry pricked at her like the tiny pinch of a rose thorn. It was a scary house, and not something she would have willingly entered on her own.</p>
<p>Pennywise walked on still holding her hand, giving it a gentle sway as he went. It distracted her for a moment until they had reached the rusted metal fence caging the home inside.</p>
<p>“Do you live here?”</p>
<p>“No, but it is mine all the same. The sewer is my true home.”</p>
<p>Victoria knew without visiting it that the sewers stunk, was full of rats and poopy water, and was probably the grossest place ever. But it still seemed appealing compared to the outside of this house.</p>
<p>“Can’t we go there instead,” she asked in a small voice. The clown laughed and tugged open the gate. She trailed behind him by the tether of his long arm.</p>
<p>“You would not like it there, not yet. It is not safe.”</p>
<p>As they passed the yard she took in the rows of giant sunflowers, wilted from approaching winter but still somewhat nice to look at.</p>
<p>“I knew a girl who loved sunflowers,” Pennywise remarked, and Victoria simply nodded, though he wasn’t looking.</p>
<p>He released her sticky hand and climbed the porch steps, the wood soundless beneath his feet, though it sure looked crooked and old. Victoria was certain her own feet would make noise. He stood before the door and stiffened. He twisted to look down at her, as she hovered there, her eyes darting about each broken window and then to him. His head tilted.</p>
<p>“Do you not wish to play anymore?”</p>
<p>She kicked a pebble and swayed anxiously on the spot, “I don’t know Penny, it looks…”</p>
<p>There was a flash of light, startling her. </p>
<p>She gazed up and saw that the windows now lit with colorful flickers of neon light, like fairy lights you’d have on a Christmas tree. Even the wood seemed brighter, more a natural brown then soot black. She could hear loud music from inside, whistles that were being played over one another in an upbeat, playful tune. </p>
<p>The circus, she realized. Her eyes were wide and Pennywise grinned.</p>
<p>“Okay I’ll go,” she rushed up the steps to stand before him. He remained blocking the doorway.</p>
<p>“I don’t know Vicky...it may be too scary for you,” his face dropped in exaggeration, and he swayed, then fell against the door, his white cheek sagging against the rotten wood.</p>
<p>She was bouncing on the end of her toes, and grabbed his hand, shaking it, “it’s not, come on, let’s go in please.”</p>
<p>“Hmm…” he paused, then stood straight and she jumped with his sudden movement, “well okie dokie!”</p>
<p>The front door swung open on its own accord, and Pennywise nudged her forward. She needed no encouragement. </p>
<p>The house was warm and sprinkled with lights. She entered the main living room and gaped at what she saw. There were sweet machines filled to the brim with red and white candies, a ball pit stationed in one corner, and various decorations on the walls. But what shocked her the most was the full size carousel that somehow fit inside the room. </p>
<p>Aside from the cracked walls and spiderweb she could see behind all the lights and magic, it barely felt like a house at all. Until she looked to the other rooms and saw they were old and decrepit, a stark contrast to the fun and happiness oozing from the main room.</p>
<p>“Is this-” she spun to face him, “all real?”</p>
<p>“As real as you believe it to be,” the clown replied. His eyes reflected the flashing lights, a myriad of colors rippling within them. He looked both a seamless part of the carnival room, and somehow completely wrong fit for it, like the hyperactive environment only highlighted Pennywise’ strangeness. He stood still as a statue, like a stone relic from another time who’d happened to find himself in a circus.</p>
<p>Victoria willed her thoughts away. That was too much thinking, and she wanted to ride the carousel! </p>
<p>She scuttled around the room, going from thing to thing, enraptured by the mood and colors and lights. Pennywise trailed behind, sometimes abruptly commenting on things and sometimes he simply observed her with a look of bemusement.</p>
<p>“Where’d you get the sweets from?” she tapped at the glass container, eyeing the round hard candy inside.</p>
<p>“Nowhere.” Victoria frowned in confusion, but he didn’t elaborate.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she turned to him with her hand still upon the container, “remember when we met, and I asked you for sweets?”</p>
<p>If it was possible Pennywise went even more rigid, and his red lips fell into a firm line, “perhaps.”</p>
<p>“If you can just make sweets, you could have given me some!” she laughed. The clown didn’t return her amusement. Victoria got the odd sense that he was uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Knowing she wouldn't get a direct answer, she dropped it. It wasn’t her favorite memory of Pennywise, though she couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe it was because they had just met, and it took her sometime to adjust to him.</p>
<p>She played in the ball pit for a while, diving under it while Pennywise felt around for her in a strange game of tag. He didn’t climb in the ball pit, instead elongating his arm so it was like a long slithering snake fishing her out, making her squeal when she felt his gloved hand gently tap the back of her head.</p>
<p>They soon moved to the carousel. Victoria spotted a pony that was all gold aside from its pink reins and saddle, and instantly fell in love, “that’s mine.”</p>
<p>By this time she was also getting tired, and her stomach rumbled. Vague alarm told her she was probably running late for dinner. Time had just flown by.</p>
<p>“We’ll have to go after this Penny,” she informed him as she struggled to climb the mounted horse, “mommy wants me back for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Does she,” he murmured, looking off to the side. Then his head jerked back to her, and he grinned, “can’t have you going hungry now can we?”</p>
<p>She finally mounted it, admiring the shiny chrome finish. The ride rumbled to life beneath her and began to move in a sluggish crawl. She planted her hands on the golden pole, feeling how real it was. Victoria looked around to find Pennywise had sat himself upon one opposite hers, a white horse with a red saddle. None of the ponies matched, all varying in colors and looks, as if they were simply plucked from different periods and places.</p>
<p>“Are you having fun?”</p>
<p>She looked back at the clown and smiled, nodding. His body dwarfed the horse so that he was curled awkwardly to fit it, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He rested an elbow on the horse's head, his bisected red face pressed into his gloved hand. She laughed at his expression.</p>
<p>“Are you bored Penny?”</p>
<p>“It goes so slow, what is the point.”</p>
<p>Victoria leaned towards him with her hand attached to the pole, “can you make it go faster?”</p>
<p>Pennywise sat up as if struck by lightning, and gave her a wicked grin, “yes, very fast it can go,” his fingers played upon the pole, “hold on.”</p>
<p>She gave him a nervous look, “not too crazy,” and gripped the bar.</p>
<p>It started to gradually increase in speed, and the air began to blow cold against her skin, flyaway strands of hair floating back. All too soon it was going at a dizzying speed that spread butterflies through her tummy.</p>
<p>Victoria had never liked going on fast rides at the fair, and she’d never liked roller coasters, but with Pennywise she felt only excitement.</p>
<p>“Whoa!” she shrieked as the speed maintained, and she hugged the bar and squeezed her legs around the saddle.</p>
<p>She giggled and giggled, and somewhere in there she was sure she heard Pennywise snickering alongside her, and then the speed began to stagger and slow. </p>
<p>“Can we stay on a little longer, please?” she asked, and Pennywise stared at her with half lidded eyes.</p>
<p>“As long as you wish.”</p>
<p>A feeling took hold of her heart, and she smiled at him then turned her head to face the other way, watching the strange room go by. It was amazing how kind her friend was, like he was willing to do anything to keep her happy. She knew part of it was his way of saying sorry for upsetting her that day, but it was still beyond anything she’d expected. Her smile fell. She really didn’t deserve him.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>The gentle sway of the horse rising and falling, led her eyes to droop, and she fought to keep them open. But it was no use. Her head planted against the cool varnished horse, until her mind happily left the building, rocked by the comforting motions.</p>
<p>Large hands lifted her limp body from the seat and she was vaguely aware of her head bumping against the clown's chest, before she drifted off again.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>A finger poked at her cheek and she cowered away from it, irritated.<p>“Let me sleep,” she sighed, turning her head away from the source.</p>
<p>“Vicky,” a firm voice said, “wake up.”</p>
<p>She roused slowly, and found herself on the floor of her porch. The door was shut but all the lights were on inside. The sky was black. Her mother must be waiting up for her. Horror eclipsed her as she stood and knocked on the door.</p>
<p>“...yes, she was just- Vicky!” her mother answered it and stared at her in shock, a phone pressed to her ear.</p>
<p>She raced forward and pulled her daughter into a hug. Victoria took it all with a dazed expression, her hand curling around her mother's back. </p>
<p>“God, I thought you were kidnapped! I had the- the police,” he mother scrambled to her phone with one arm clutching her daughter tight, “yes officer, she’s here now, thank god. Yes, I will, thank you. Goodbye,” she disconnected the call.</p>
<p>“I was-”</p>
<p>“No. That’s enough,” her mother snapped. She pulled away and Victoria saw the red lines rooted in her eyes as her mother glared down at her.</p>
<p>“Do you know how many kids go missing?” she shook Victoria’s shoulders, her fingers digging in, “you understand how easily it can happen? It could have been you!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry mommy,” she felt her lip tremble, but her mother appeared unmoved.</p>
<p>“I thought I could trust you, but apparently not,” she took Victoria by the arm and forced her to follow, “bedtime now, we’ll discuss this tomorrow. You’re grounded.”</p>
<p>“But I was only out playing with-”</p>
<p>“Enough, I don’t wanna hear it!”</p>
<p>She left Victoria in her bedroom, and began to storm out when she stopped, and spun on her heel. She came over to her and gave Victoria a firm kiss on the forehead and a quick hug, “don’t you dare do that again young lady. Not ever, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she replied in a soft whisper.</p>
<p>Her mother shut the door behind her, and Victoria got changed and settled under the covers. She lay awake for a while, staring at the blue walls reflecting moonlight, as frustration and sadness sunk into her belly.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Mommy’s mad at me.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘I know. She does not understand you.’</i>
</p>
<p>She twisted onto her side and shut her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘You won’t leave me if you get mad right?’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Never. Sleep now child.’</i>
</p>
<p>And she did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I went back and edited the other chapters so hopefully they sound a bit better. I don't know if this chapter should have been broken up, let me know if the length feels too long. Thanks for reading! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She dreamed of her first meeting with her best friend. It wrapped around her mind like a comforting blanket, soft and eerie like the moment between sleeping and waking. She recalled the steady descent into the dark, the cool brush of metal under her fingers. A firefly led her forward, a golden string of light connecting her to the being beneath the bleachers. It hovered, glowing softly, and then white gloves snapped it up, the sound like lightning crackling and she</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>Awoke with a jolt. Sunlight beamed in through the curtains and Victoria could hear her mother in her room. Excitement buzzed low in her belly. She smiled. Today she was finally Eight.<p>“Come on birthday girl,” her mother fussed as she came into the room and gathered laundry from Victoria’s basket, “you should be up, we’re leaving soon.”</p>
<p>“Has dad called?” Victoria sat up and picked up a brush to comb her hair.</p>
<p>Her mother called from the hallway, “not yet honey. I’ll try him after breakfast.” </p>
<p>Victoria dressed and bounced downstairs. Food was already served on the kitchen table, her mother had made her favourite, maple syrup and waffles with banana on top, “thanks mommy.”</p>
<p>They ate together, while Victoria wondered when she’d be seeing her friend. Pennywise knew what today was, and though he didn’t show much enthusiasm about the celebration of a birthday, he promised to spend lots of time with her even with her mother present.</p>
<p>“You see that little friend of yours?” Laurie asked, her eyebrows raised. Her mother had given in after three days of punishment, and had not said a word about the new friend she believed got Victoria to come home so late. Probably because Victoria’s birthday was round the corner and it made her mother feel guilty. Victoria still slumped when she thought about her mother's bad mood, that had hung over them both like a dark cloud in the following days.</p>
<p>“No, not today, he’s busy.”</p>
<p>“Shame, I thought you’d want him to come.”</p>
<p>“I do,” Victoria said, drumming her hands against the rim of the wooden table, “but it’s okay. I’ll see him soon.”</p>
<p>Her mother frowned, staring at her fork, “what was his name again?”</p>
<p>“Oh, um. Penny-” Victoria stopped herself from spilling out the rest of his name, and repeated, “Penny.”</p>
<p>“Weird name for a boy,” her mother tutted, shaking her head. Victoria nodded along, hoping for a subject change.</p>
<p>After finishing breakfast, they put on coats and left the house, the chill settling at Victoria’s neckline. She rubbed her cotton gloves on her cheeks, trying to create some warmth.</p>
<p>Her mother handed her her mobile, and Victoria spoke briefly with her father. He wished her a happy birthday, and said he hoped to see her soon.</p>
<p>“Not today?” Victoria asked him.</p>
<p>“No kiddo. I’ll be leaving for New York soon, more work,” he coughed on the line, “I promise we’ll do something together another day. Soon alright?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she simply responded. After exchanging monotonous ‘I love yous’ she handed the phone back to her mother without a word. It wasn't the first time he’d missed her birthday, so disappointment was small. She felt an icy chill on her hands before she quickly gloved them again.</p>
<p>“It’s just you and me today,” her mother said as they walked, “hope that's okay.”</p>
<p>Victoria bit her lip and smiled, knowing her mother was wrong, “okay.”</p>
<p>They reached town at around eleven am and looked about the shops. Derry had a decent sized mall which wasn’t there when her mother was little. It was the most exciting thing there since the other shops were all old or boarded up. Sometimes the little shops had interesting things, and Victoria would drag her reluctant mother into a few.</p>
<p>“We could’ve gone outta town shopping if you had wanted.”</p>
<p>“No,” Victoria shook her head, “I need to be here.”</p>
<p>Laurie smiled at her with good humor, “why’s that?”</p>
<p>Victoria shrugged, “just what I want,” she looked intently at the cracks in the pavements, “Derry’s nice.”</p>
<p>The real reason was that Pennywise had told her he couldn’t see her if she left town, and there was no way Victoria would go somewhere he couldn’t be, especially not today of all days. Her mother rolled her eyes with a sigh.</p>
<p>They finished shopping with a bag full of treats and entered Derry’s cinema, a decrepit building from a bygone era. Its walls were a faded cream, and an old white board above the entrance displayed movie times. Victoria had one film on her mind to watch.</p>
<p>“God not again Vicky,” her mother groaned, but followed her in and slipped a hand into her purse.</p>
<p>The cinema ran days where it played old movies and classic Disney, and in Victoria’s mind there was only one film she would watch, over and over if possible.</p>
<p>“Two for Frozen,” her mother asked the lady at the desk. Victoria grinned and swung her arms playfully. Her mother had already seen this film two times when it first came out. But it was Victoria’s birthday, so there was no chance her mother could refuse if that was what she wanted.</p>
<p>They entered the auditorium and the lights were already dimmed. There were a few other kids and adults inside, but it was a mostly empty showing. Her mother sat at the end of the middle row, Victoria to her left.</p>
<p>The room darkened further as the ads began playing, and Victoria was so busy staring at the bright screen that she barely flinched when the seat beside her squeaked, and a large body took up its space.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Hello Vicky.’</i>
</p>
<p>She startled, and looked around to find Pennywise sitting beside her primly, a indulgent smile on his face. The screen cast a soft glow on his skin, his red markings looking black and striking.</p>
<p><i>‘Hello,’</i> she smiled at him.</p>
<p>Pennywise cocked his head up at the screen, the title being shown, <i>‘what is this?’</i></p>
<p>Victoria blinked, <i>‘the film? It’s Frozen. The best film I’ve ever seen.’</i></p>
<p>Pennywise looked skeptical as it began, <i>‘what happens?’</i></p>
<p>
  <i>‘Elsa has special ice powers and she has to hide them, but later she uses them and fights bad people, and loves her sister so much that she comes back to life.’</i>
</p>
<p>Pennywise nodded, as if it was just what he expected, <i>‘I see.’</i></p>
<p>He remained seated longer than she thought he would. Inevitably she found his seat empty at various points during the film, likely haven grown bored of a kids film. Adults had bad taste, in Victoria’s opinion. She also noted that almost anytime the snowman came on Pennywise would instantly evaporate.</p>
<p><i>'You don’t like Olaf?’</i> she asked when he returned.</p>
<p>Pennywise sunk down into his seat, <i>‘stupid. Silly snowman will melt and die and he is too stupid to realize it.’</i> his voice hissed in her head, and his jagged buck teeth stuck over his lip in what Victoria realized was a pout.</p>
<p>The clown's arms were crossed tight over his chest, eyes baring down on the screen with an amber glow, as if it personally offended him. Victoria reached out with her hand, placing it on the rest and looked back to the screen.</p>
<p><i>‘Can you-’</i> she stopped, her cheeks flushing.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘What child?’</i>
</p>
<p><i>'Will you hold my hand,’</i> she couldn't look at him, it was so embarrassing. She wanted to hug him, but she couldn't just jump up with her mother there. She only wanted to be close to him, and maybe to stop him from disappearing over and over, as it was stressing her out.</p>
<p>She thought he would refuse. Silence continued but she felt his warm glove gently cup her hand. Her chest warmed and she squeezed on his larger fingers. He remained that way until it ended, and they got up to leave for a late lunch. As soon as she stood Pennywise vanished, but she knew he would be back.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>They sat inside a restaurant with her mother at one end and Victoria at the other. The massive clown that sat between them went unnoticed by the other people and Laurie Desmond, but her daughter couldn’t help but give him furtive glances from time to time.<p>“Something wrong with the window?” her mother gestured to the red curtains behind Pennywise’ seat.</p>
<p>“No mommy.”</p>
<p>Pennywise was smiling, a sly crook of his lips as his golden eyes darted between the two humans. Victoria could tell he was getting a lot of joy out of being unseen. Now she was the one pouting.</p>
<p>The restaurant was busy, servers constantly on the move between the black wooden tables, carrying meals and drinks. They had been situated near the front window, which allowed in a stream of graying light, outside growing cool and blue. A red shaded lamp centered above them, casting a warm glow.</p>
<p>“The same meal, again?” Her mother said, eyes tracing the words on the menu as Victoria nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes please.”</p>
<p>“Vicky,” her mother sighed, “you should try something new now and then. You’ll end up like one of those college students eating pre packaged noodles everyday.”</p>
<p>“I really like the burgers here. And the fries-”</p>
<p>“I should have taken you to McDonalds,” Laurie rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>Pennywise grumbled, the noise loud to only Victoria’s ears. When she looked he was glaring at her mother.</p>
<p>Victoria cast him a pleading look, <i>‘Mommy just wants me to eat better. She doesn't mean it badly.’</i></p>
<p>Pennywise said nothing. The food arrived shortly after. Victoria felt a pang of guilt that she couldn’t share any with her friend, but when she looked the clown was staring at the ceiling, spacing out.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Sorry there’s no food for you,’</i> she began, <i>‘maybe when we get home-’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘I do not need you to feed me Vicky.’</i>
</p>
<p>She bit her lip and went back to eating. Seeing as Pennywise sounded annoyed, she decided to try mind talking to her mother instead, mostly out of curiosity. Pennywise never said their mind talk was only limited to between them, so it was something worth testing.</p>
<p><i>‘Mommy?’</i> no reaction. Her mother continued eating her food, <i>‘mom? my mommy, mother, mom, mom, mo-’</i></p>
<p>Her mother looked up, squinting, “you say something?”</p>
<p>Victoria grinned, amazed that it had actually worked.</p>
<p>“No,” Laurie cast her a bewildered look and shook her head, muttering. Victoria turned her big smile onto Pennywise.</p>
<p><i>‘Penny! I spoke to mommy in her head, it really worked! It-’</i> her smile dropped. Pennywise was hunched low, his gnarled brow deepening into a glare as he stared forward at their table. His gaze shifted to her.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Do not do that. You must only speak with me. Your mother could have been hurt otherwise.’</i>
</p>
<p><i>‘Hurt?’</i> she frowned, staring back at him. Pennywise nodded, face like stone.</p>
<p><i>‘Oh yes. You and I are different. Our connection makes this possible. But her?’</i> his eyes narrowed on Laurie, <i>‘her mind is weak, feeble. She could not handle that, or she may find herself in much pain.’</i> </p>
<p>Victoria went quiet, stirring the straw of her cola drink in absent, small circles. This was unexpected. She sighed, Pennywise would know best after all, <i>‘okay,’</i> she mentally whispered.</p>
<p>The clown’s voice returned to something cheery, light, <i>‘well done child,’</i> he crooned, red lips stretched wide, <i>‘you need only listen, and all will be well.’</i></p>
<p>Her mother asked her about school, and about her new friend, to Pennywise’s amusement. Once they finished Victoria was about to reach for her coat, when her mother stopped her.</p>
<p>“We haven’t had dessert yet.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah.”</p>
<p>Her mother popped to the ladies room. A few minutes later she sat back down, and then a server appeared with a candle lit cake, and her mother and other restaurant goers started to sing Happy Birthday, to Victoria's eternal shame. </p>
<p>She wished she could shrink into her clothes, like the film where the boy turns into a mouse. Even worse, after recovering from the strangeness of the ceremony, Pennywise's voice croaked alongside her mothers, and his off pitched singing had her bursting into a fit of laughter.</p>
<p>The cake was set before her and she blew out the candles, the sweet smell of smoke familiar and comforting. Only birthday cakes smelt like that, she thought. </p>
<p>Her mother sliced them both a piece, and the chocolate mousse layer covered the inner part that was spongy and red. Victoria's mouth watered, until she saw the color inside.</p>
<p>“What cake is it?”</p>
<p>Her mother placed it before her, and met her eyes, “chocolate and red velvet. Don’t tell me you don’t like red velvet now?”</p>
<p>Victoria’s stomach contracted sickly, and she squeezed her fists under the table. She shook her head, “no I like it.”</p>
<p>Pennywise was watching her with curiosity. She reached her fork out and cut into it. It was soft, spongy and wet and red, the chocolate cream melting into the blo- Victoria felt bile rise in her throat.</p>
<p>“Think I’m gonna be sick,” her mother dropped her fork and it clinked loudly against a china plate. Victoria wrapped her arms around her stomach, and her mother started to rise from her chair.</p>
<p>“You need a bowl?” Her mother's tone was firm but her eyes were worried.</p>
<p>Victoria held still, looking at the floor, “no,” she looked back at Laurie, “I think I...can’t eat that right now.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine,” Laurie reassured, “we can pack this up to go.”</p>
<p><i>‘You are sick?’</i> Pennywise questioned.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘No, I’m fine.’</i>
</p>
<p>She wasn't sure what had come over her. But the sight of the red inside the cake brought on a wave of uncontrollable nausea.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>Once they headed home, her mother got to work helping her set up the front room so Victoria could sleep down there and watch a movie. Pennywise left her at the restaurant, promising to return in a few hours.<p>The pillow fort was complete. Victoria lay beneath it with the newly gifted paint set from her mother, drawing the one first page in her new art book.</p>
<p>She laid growing drowsier until she nodded off, and was awoken by the prodding of white fingers.</p>
<p>“Penny?” she mumbled, sitting up.</p>
<p>“I have a gift for you,” he said, voice wavering in high notes,” you have to come outside with me. To go somewhere.”</p>
<p>“Somewhere? Now?” she rubbed her eyes with a slow hand.</p>
<p>The clown nodded, and the tiny bells on his costume tinkled. Victoria yawned and with great pains, dragged herself out from the cozy warmth.</p>
<p>“The front doors locked,” she whispered to him, but Pennywise wasn’t listening. He waited by the door while she threw on a coat and shoes, still in fluffy green pajamas, which were very thick and well insulated. </p>
<p>She followed him to the door, and it clicked open without the key. Victoria stared, amazed. </p>
<p>“Come.”</p>
<p>She trotted behind him and the door shut on its own. She was nervous. The orange streetlights encased small areas, but much was shrouded in darkness, the sky void of light or stars. It was blanketed by a wall of clouds.</p>
<p>As they walked Victoria became progressively more tired, tripping on her feet and almost stumbling into the clowns back, “sorry,” she gasped as she regained her balance. Pennywise froze, and turned back to face her.</p>
<p>“Come here,” he said with what looked like reluctance, “you are too slow.”</p>
<p>Without disagreeing she did as he asked, and Pennywise lifted her into his arms. She felt a smile creeping over her face but said nothing, not wanting to annoy him lest he put her down again.</p>
<p>They traveled in silence, only the occasional sounds of people in their houses, or a stray animal darting behind a dustbin. No one was out, and Victoria had no way of knowing what time it was. </p>
<p>“What if someone sees us?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“They won’t. Not while I will it.”</p>
<p>She took a moment to consider just how powerful her friend must be. It hadn’t escaped her thoughts, that some might think he was just an imaginary friend. Given that no feat seemed impossible to Pennywise, it almost felt like an act of strong imagination, willed into reality by her own mind. </p>
<p>She fingered the soft silk of fabric on his suit. She knew that wasn’t true. Pennywise was a living, breathing person like any other, as real as her mother or father. It made it all the more incredible what he could do. She truly was a very lucky girl.</p>
<p>The air was cold, but her clothes were warm, and the chilly bite helped keep her alert. Eventually they reached a field of tall grass. Pennywise towered above it for which Victoria was grateful, since she could see ahead. The clown tracked through it, strands of brittle plant crunching and snapping beneath his heavy gait. She wasn’t sure if it was just her eyes playing tricks within the dark, but the grass seemed to wilt deeper into the ground where Pennywise walked, darkening.</p>
<p>He came to a section that was flat and dead, and gently placed her down.</p>
<p>“This is strange,” she said, gesturing the almost circular patch beneath them. The spot was higher up, giving a good view of the rest of the field. Derry was close by, but blocked by a wall of bushes and trees, making the field feel more secluded then it probably was.</p>
<p>“I have been here before,” Pennywise stated, before dropping down to sit beside her, his eyes illuminating the small area like gentle torchlight, “I have been to all corners of this town.”</p>
<p>The sincerity in his voice gave Victoria pause. He sounded more adult than he normally did, and it made her vaguely uncomfortable, “everywhere?”</p>
<p>Pennywise nodded, “above and below.”</p>
<p>“But not outside?” he gazed questioningly at her and her cheeks warmed, “I mean outside of Derry.”</p>
<p>“It is as I told you,” he peered over the frost tipped grass, his arm resting upon his knee, “it cannot be done.”</p>
<p>It sounded like being kept in a prison, and the thought made her feel very sad for her friend. She was happy he found her, and he was always with her, but no one should have to remain trapped in one place.</p>
<p>“What would happen if you did leave?”</p>
<p>Pennywise tilted his head, a lone eye resting on her as his mouth drew into a smooth line, “I have too many roots here Vicky. If you were to pull them out,” his eyes flashed at her, and a picture formed in her head of a great old tree, toppling over and ripping up the ground with it, sending mountains of earth everywhere, “it would devastate all.”</p>
<p>Her vision spun as it returned to normal, and she shook her head, “w-woah. That’s not good.”</p>
<p>“No,” he agreed, smiling, “but I will never leave, so you need not worry.”</p>
<p>She rubbed her eyes as a wave of exhaustion fell over her, “I wanna go to bed soon.”</p>
<p>“You will,” he said, and gestured to their surroundings, “but look first.”</p>
<p>She observed the field. In the far distance, she spotted it. A little light. It rose up from the grass and then disappeared. Nearby another one shined, then another. They each rose for a brief period, in a flash of gold before evaporating into the gloomy night.</p>
<p>“Are those fireflies?” her eyes widened in disbelief, “they...don't even show this time of year.”</p>
<p>More of them bloomed out of the hardened grass, like miniature spirits reaching for the sky. Before too long there were hundreds of them, the field alight like a Christmas tree. Victoria stared, mesmerized.</p>
<p>“Is this your doing Penny?”</p>
<p>“I see no other with us.”</p>
<p>She squinted at him in suspicion, “maybe I don't believe what I’m seeing.”</p>
<p>“You do not trust your own eyes, child?” he asked, a smirk twisting his lips. She shook her head.</p>
<p>He leaned back on his arms, body stretched out and eyes lidded, “then go and see. Touch one.”</p>
<p>She stood up and entered the grass. It slithered against her cheeks, invoking a shiver as she bludgeoned her way through. The grass was so stiff that pushing it aside was its own hardship, but she finally came to a glowing light, resting on the tip of a slender stalk, and reached a finger out shakily.</p>
<p>The bug crawled down onto her hand, its bottom half flickering, like a dying light bulb. She brought it closer. It’s little legs tickled and its body looked waxy and soft. It certainly seemed real. Victoria hurried back to the clown, finger clutched to her chest like she was holding something precious.</p>
<p>“I got one,” she raised her hand to show him. Pennywise inclined his head.</p>
<p>She sat back down beside him, admiring the little bug that was not so real. Pennywise sat up.</p>
<p>“Little friend.”</p>
<p>Victoria looked up at him, “yes?”</p>
<p>“You have many questions.”</p>
<p>His words took her off guard. Her gaze fell to the bug, watching its glittering wings as it traversed her hand, “you don’t answer them.”</p>
<p>Pennywise was silent for a while. Despite the field overflowing with fireflies, it was otherwise bare of sound or life.</p>
<p>“Being around one such as I, has made you susceptible to certain things,” she felt his intense stare upon her cheek.</p>
<p>Victoria lowered the bug, resting her hand on her knee and turned to him, “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>He held her look, “I am very wise and powerful and old, Vicky. I am not a clown, not by far.”</p>
<p>“I-I know, I could tell. I think I always knew a little,” if her answer surprised him he did not show it. He continued on as if she hadn't spoken.</p>
<p>“It is only natural that my powers would affect you.”</p>
<p>Victoria frowned, “the way we talk in our heads?”</p>
<p>He looked down at her between lowered eyelids, “yes. And more. Everything. It has all come from me.”</p>
<p>Something tugged at her, a niggling sensation that she couldn't give name to. She frowned.</p>
<p>“How can you be so sure?”</p>
<p>“I know all child,” he cocked his head to the side, “did you experience any of this before me?”</p>
<p>“N-no,” her fingers coiled together as if in prayer.</p>
<p>“Then it is clear,” he had crawled closer to her, dried dead leaves soundless beneath his touch, “now we must ask ourselves, what shall you do?”</p>
<p>“I-”</p>
<p>“Vicky,” he whispered, “you have my power within your tiny grasp, and all that entails. You can do almost anything.”</p>
<p>She stared back at him with uncertain, wide eyes. She didn’t know what Pennywise wanted. Or maybe, the sickening feeling in her stomach said, she knew exactly what he wanted from her, but it was not something she could ever bring herself to do. If Pennywise’ powers were really in her, then she did not want them, not if they made her cause harm to others.</p>
<p>Pennywise carried on speaking, unaware of her internal troubles, “...you said your little dream catcher only worked if you believed...what if I told you, that you could make them pay by simply thinking so?”</p>
<p>“The power of belief?” she said weakly.</p>
<p>Pennywise lip curled back over his teeth like a snarling dog, “yes,” he spat, but his eyes were excited, electric yellow, “along with my powers flowing through you, that will certainly be enough.”</p>
<p>Victoria stood up and moved away from him. She allowed the firefly, real or not, to crawl back onto a leaf, and turned to him, “I don’t want to use it on anybody, I don’t want to hurt anyone.”</p>
<p>Pennywise remained still, poised over where he was talking to her before. Only his head rotated towards her, “that is so? You will waste this gift?” His voice softened, “the potential is within you child, so bright, all but bursting to come out.”</p>
<p>“I don't care about any of that,” her eyes pleaded with him, “your powers, I don’t- I just want to be your friend,” she paused, taking in his manic expression. It frightened her but she pressed on, wanting to make him understand, “I- I love you, and I just want-”</p>
<p>The words shriveled up in her throat. Pennywise had flinched so hard his body jerked back, and he stood, his face screwed up as if in pain.  He grit his teeth and his sharp eyes bared down on her.</p>
<p>“What was that?”</p>
<p>She felt a lump lodged in her throat, and mumbled words that his keen hearing picked up on anyway, “said I love you.”</p>
<p>Pennywise stared. It was the most focused she’d ever seen him.</p>
<p>“You didn’t know that?” she asked in a hushed voice, feeling like she was treading on a tightrope but unsure why.</p>
<p>“Of course I did,” he snapped. Drool drizzled from his lips and his teeth looked sharper. Her stomach dropped, recalling that day at school when he’d scared off her bully. But now he was looking at her that way. As if she’d said something cruel, as if she’d harmed him. Her heart quickened.</p>
<p>“W-we spend a lot of time together, and you s-said we’re friends, and I love my friends.”</p>
<p>The clown twisted away from her, towards the field where the fireflies had all vanished. The field laid dark and empty, and somehow a new coolness settled, as if the bugs had taken the warmth with them. </p>
<p>Why would one word upset him so much? She said it to her mother almost everyday, to the cat she once owned, before it got hit by a car. She even said it to her favourite stuffed toys. Pennywise had called her special, his only friend. Surely that meant he saw love as a good thing. Otherwise, why would he befriend her?</p>
<p>“Penny?” she whispered. The ground crackled under her steps as she moved closer. His head tilted, but he didn’t offer her a full glance. She was completely at loss as to where this had all come from.</p>
<p>Victoria stared up at his willowy frame for a while, the deep brow that carved down, listening to their shared breathing. His chest was heaving, as if he’d been struck by a heavy blow. Her own came out in short, nervous pants. A thought came to her then, and she hesitated, but asked anyway.</p>
<p>“Do you love me?”</p>
<p>His head swung around, an audible creak following.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Victoria’s face fell, “n-no?”</p>
<p>“No,” he repeated, shaking his head furiously. There was a hiss as the delicate ends of his gloves split.</p>
<p>“B-but, b-but,” she backed up a step, “you’re my friend. I love you?”</p>
<p>Pennywise's body looked bigger somehow, and it trembled as he let out a snicker that was as grating as chalk. His fiery hair bristled and he growled.</p>
<p>“You love the <i>idea</i> of me. Not me, certainly not. And I,” he gestured with a wide sweep of his now clawed hand, “do <i>not</i> love you.”</p>
<p>He simmered there in a frightening rage that had Victoria’s feet turn to stone, like he was the basilisk creature she’d read about, leaving her defenseless. His words speared the protective shell of her heart, and she felt pain like she’d never experienced it before. Her lip trembled.</p>
<p>“Then w-why are you so angry?”</p>
<p>Pennywise snarled. His teeth were the chiseled tips of a predator, and there was only one thing teeth like that were meant to do. Victoria screamed and covered her face with her arms, fear like a plunging knife pounding at her heart. She squeezed shut her eyes and waited for something to happen.</p>
<p>Pennywise made an awful noise, and when she peeked through her arms, she found him hunched over, his long talons tearing at his hair and face. She looked away, terrified at what he was doing. The sound was aggressive and pained, something she had never heard any living creature make. Tears welled at the corner edges of her vision, for him or for herself she didn't know, but they froze too, her body heavy and immovable, aside from the shivers working through her frame.</p>
<p>It suddenly went quiet. She looked around her arms, afraid of what she would see, and gasped. Pennywise had disappeared from his spot entirely. </p>
<p>She dropped her aching limbs and stared blankly at the spot, unable to do or think anything. She sunk to her knees and sat there, as the moon glistened in the black sky, like a drawn on paper circle. She sat and waited. For Pennywise or the morning, she didn’t know. Whichever came back first.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Fallout</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was cold when she awoke. It was like a sheet of ice had been laid against her skin, despite being fully dressed. Her curtains had been drawn open and the light that spilled in was steel gray. The dark light told her it was very early, too early for her mother to have checked on her. Victoria sat up, noting that her shoes were still on and caked in mud.</p>
<p>She carefully removed them and set them down beside her bed, not willing to dirty the covers and risk her mother's anger. She returned beneath the covers and stared up at the old white ceiling. There were small fissures there, tiny hairline fractures that you had to squint to see, but the cold light from outside drew them into sharp focus.</p>
<p>Victoria gripped her bed sheet and thought about what had happened. She must have fallen asleep out there, surrounded by tall grass. <i>He</i> must have returned her home. She twisted to her side. If she pretended long enough, she could almost believe it was all a bad dream, like one of her awful nightmares that creep at the back of her mind. She wanted so badly to erase the memory of last night. </p>
<p>The expression on his face appeared in her mind, the cut of his narrow brow, the heat of his anger rolling off him in malignant waves. Her breath came out a little faster. His words were there too, and they were by far the worst things.</p>
<p>She sat up, duvet pooling around her, and stared dully down at her curled fingers, the underside of her palms. She wanted to cry, to release the pent up hurt brimming inside, but the tears wouldn't come. </p>
<p>
  <i>‘Can you hear me?’</i>
</p>
<p>Her room was quiet and still. Downstairs her mother's footsteps creaked across the old floorboards of the kitchen. Victoria waited a while, feeling the seconds tick by as if they were a physical thing. The dull ache in her chest became sharper and her lip trembled for a moment. She sagged against the old bed frame, eyes shutting and reopening. </p>
<p>There was no use to this, she told herself. Even as a part of her begged to stay there and wait for a response. She ignored it and climbed out of bed.</p>
<p>“He’ll come back,” she whispered to herself, nodding, “he will.”</p>
<p>Even as she spoke her words felt empty, and she knew that it was just her way of making things seem better. Of looking on the bright side, as her mother would say.</p>
<p>They were childish and stupid. She was eight now. She had to stop pretending things were okay when they weren’t. </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p>At recess she sat in her usual spot near the fencing and away from the kids playing games, feeling the icy chill of October claw at her coat, and ruffle her hair across her face.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Please answer me.’</i>
</p>
<p>She drew an aimless line across the dirty ground with a twig. The playground was busy but no one disturbed her. She liked playing some of their games, but today all she seemed able to do was think. Think, think, think. </p>
<p>Maybe it was her fault. All that time she spent in his company, the things they did together. He spent so much time with her, and yes it was strange at first. But as time passed it began to feel like the kind of friendship she’d dreamed of having. They played together, talked and laughed, he was always there, always ready to see her like she was his whole world. And he seemed so happy all the time. Most of the time. He’d had his moments, but...nothing that would have made her suspect he...he didn't...</p>
<p>Victoria dropped the stick, staring at the ground. Her mouth was dry. Just recalling the sudden fury he showed her made her knees tremble, so much so she was glad to be sat down. His teeth, serrated edges and his eyes. How they glared. He had never looked at her that way before. </p>
<p>The most awful part was that she knew it was his truth. An ugly side that was as much a part of him as his quirked grin, cotton candy soft hair and shrilly giggles. She had glimpsed it before, when he scared off that bully. Her shoulders hunched. The two sides just didn't add up. It was like an ill fitted puzzle that had all the wrong pieces.</p>
<p>If that was true, and she felt in her heart that it was, then how much of Pennywise did she really know?</p>
<p>She cupped her mouth to prevent a shivering sob from escaping. Despite knowing this, Victoria couldn't stop the deep ache she felt from his absence. He wasn’t just her friend. He was her best friend. She simply cared too much. Even if he didn’t.</p>
<p>There was a rustle of sound before something thumped the side of her leg, and she felt the presence of another person sit down beside her. She turned with sudden hope.</p>
<p>“Hello,” Stacy said in a small voice. Victoria felt her rush of excitement sink. Stacy searched Victoria over, as if she was ready to spring away at the first sign of a negative reaction. She was wearing a mustard colored parka, and its fur lined hood wrapped around her neck like a warm glove.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Victoria croaked. She scrubbed her face, embarrassed that she had been caught crying. Stacy’s presence had surprised her, and so she merely stared back, unsure what the other wanted.</p>
<p>Stacy’s usual group of friends were a good distance away. A couple of girls were outright gawking while others paid no mind. Victoria turned back, “why are you here?”</p>
<p>Stacy brushed her hands down over her white jeans, drawing her legs close, “I wanted to see how you are,” the look Victoria gave must have prompted more, “a-and to know, if you’ve. You know,” she muttered, appearing strangely flustered, “seen it...since then…”</p>
<p>Victoria began to rise to her feet to leave, when Stacy struck forward with her hand in a distressed manner, “wait  wait! I won’t mention that, if you don’t want to, I’ll stop.”</p>
<p>Stacy’s shoulders sagged when Victoria sat back, “I only said it because, well...I haven’t seen it since, and neither has-” she stopped herself and shook her head, “anyway, I do mean it when I asked if you’re okay,” she gave a weak smile, “I heard it was your birthday yesterday?”</p>
<p>Victoria shrugged and went back to staring at dirt. She didn’t trust this girl much, and now her suspicion was furthered by her experience with the clown. Stacy only wanted to know what she knew, that much was clear.</p>
<p>
  <i>All of them worthless</i>
</p>
<p>The voice zapped through her mind, but it was just a memory.</p>
<p>“It was my birthday in January,” Stacy piped up, “we went to a zoo in Boston, and it rained the whole time. What did you do?”</p>
<p>Victoria wanted to say something not so kind. Being reminded of the worst day of her life...but she knew that wasn't fair. This girl didn't know she was hurting.</p>
<p>“I saw Frozen at the cinema.”</p>
<p>“Oh cool,” Stacy lowered herself to the ground and sat crossed legged beside her, “I saw that with my little sister Chloe. She likes to sing the songs, but, you know,” Stacy grimaced, “She screams them instead.”</p>
<p>After recovering from her surprise Victoria smiled, and wondered what it must be like to have a sibling, and if she would enjoy it or end up disliking the little person. She couldn’t imagine it with how busy her mother was or how small their house felt. Stacy pulled out her hair band and began redoing her long hair in a sleek ponytail.</p>
<p>“Your hairs pretty,” Victoria blurted out, and her cheeks grew hot as soon as she spoke.  She shifted her gaze away.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” there was a smile in Stacy’s voice, “I like your hair too, it’s real nice.”</p>
<p>Victoria lowered her head, and her fingers found her cheek without thought. Then she dropped it with a frown, “Aren’t your friends waiting?”</p>
<p>“So? They can wait a little longer,” Stacy shifted and pulled her bag into her lap, “maybe I wanna sit with you today instead.”</p>
<p>“Won’t they be mad?”</p>
<p>Stacy sunk back resting her palms on the dirty ground, “yeah,” she shrugged, “probably.”</p>
<p>Victoria pursed her lips. Her mind drifted again. What was he doing right now? Was he down there, in the deep dark sewer? Or was he in the house where they played together, sitting on one of the horses alone, and having a grand time without her?</p>
<p>Or maybe, she thought with a swallow, maybe he was in the dark somewhere, seething with eyes an awful shade of acid yellow. Her heart fluttered. Bile stung the back of her throat, and she curled into herself. Her eyes felt heavy and full.</p>
<p>“Hey,” the other girl said, shuffling closer, “are you okay?”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded and took a deep breath, “yeah.”</p>
<p>They sat for a while in silence, and it felt both strange and comfortable. Stacy took out her school supplies and began rearranging them when Victoria noticed a curved line along the skin of the girls inner wrist. It was small but dented enough to be clear.</p>
<p>“What’s that.”</p>
<p>Stacy jolted, “huh?”</p>
<p>Victoria pointed at her arm, wordless. Stacy eyes widened, as if it was a surprise to her as well, “Oh, that. When I was three I tried petting a stray dog. Guess that’s what I get for thinking it was friendly.”</p>
<p>“S-sorry,” Victoria said, and her eyes casted down, “was rude to ask.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been asked lots of times, most people think it sounds cool when I tell them,” Stacy grinned.</p>
<p>Victoria wondered if others would find it cool if it covered Stacy’s face, or if she was less popular. She knew it was a bad thought, but she never voiced it and so it was okay. “Did you see the dog again?”</p>
<p>“It got put down. Wasn’t safe to be around.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” for some reason that made Victoria feel unbearably sad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p>“I miss you,” she whispered into the rough cotton pillow, “please come back.”</p>
<p>It had only been three days. He’d been gone longer before, but there was a horrible sense of permanence that Vicky felt this time. Whatever hope she had tentatively allowed to grow had slowly withered into nothing. She played with the idea of finding the house, though she was not fully confident she could. It had been far out, in a road she’d never visited before and had already forgotten the name of. But if she did find the house, she could stay there and wait for him.</p>
<p>If he didn’t love her, that was fine. It hurt, it hurt bad, but she would rather have him back then nothing at all.</p>
<p>Earlier her mother had been musing about some new person at her work, when Victoria had burst into tears. Her mother had stared in shock. Just like a rolling wave, the emotion came over then crashed down, and she was left feeling exhausted in more ways than one. Her mother had taken her up to bed and told her to get some rest. She seemed worried, which Victoria secretly liked. When her mother cuddled her and fussed, it made her feel warm. Noticed.</p>
<p>Was Stacy really interested, or was she just nosy? There must be something. It seemed that everyone wanted something from her, even if she couldn’t provide it. </p>
<p>Even as she distrusted her, Victoria wanted Stacy to sit with her again. She couldn't deny it. There was a hole in her chest, and it hurt bad. Stacy wasn’t fixing that, but being around her felt good to Victoria, and took her mind off things a little. Until he left, she hadn't realized how badly she needed a friend. Of course her mommy was there but she didn’t count. Mommy’s had to like you, or at least pretend they did.</p>
<p>Victoria’s lips twisted into a frown. She shut her eyes and hoped sleep would come quick. </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p>Stacy began joining her more often during recess, although she still sat with her normal group of friends occasionally. The benefit to this wasn't something Victoria noticed, but instead had a sudden epiphany; she hadn’t been picked on for the longest time. </p>
<p>Her mother’s car had broken down, and so walking home was a common occurrence. On those walks she would sit for what felt like hours before random sewer grates. She’d whisper into them, and listen to the silence that followed with a tight feeling in her chest. Once or twice an adult approached her, and she left quickly with an excuse always ready. Dropped my pencil. Think I heard a kitty down there. She’d gaze longingly back at the slab of dark space, but she’d given up speaking with their special power. There was never an answer. </p>
<p>“Do you always do that?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Victoria broke from her daydream at the sudden bark of Stacy’s voice, “do...do what?”</p>
<p>“Stare at nothing for ages,” Stacy laughed, “It’s weird.”</p>
<p>Victoria could feel the rosy warmth at her cheeks and twisted away from the other girl, pouting, “no. I’m just thinking about stuff.”</p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>Victoria fell silent. The subject of Pennywise had never been revisited with Stacy, and as more time went on, she found herself wondering if maybe it was best to just...forget he existed. The thought made her angry at herself. She still considered him her best friend. She would do anything to make it up to him, if only he would return.</p>
<p>“...I miss my friend.”</p>
<p>Stacy stared at her, her brows knitted together in thought, before her face paled, “you mean…? H-him?”</p>
<p>A simple nod.</p>
<p>Stacy licked her lips and rubbed her bare arms, “But why? He’s scary. Remember what I told you?”</p>
<p>“He’s not scary to me,” Victoria threw back, and felt the lie settle like an arrow stuck behind her rib cage. </p>
<p>“He said he would visit me,” Stacy frowned as her voice rose, “he wanted to hurt me.”</p>
<p>“No, he- he wouldn’t do that.”</p>
<p>“How do you know?”</p>
<p>“He was just angry,” Victoria’s voice wobbled pathetically, “it was my fault.” Her throat felt like a balloon was lodged there, and squeezing out words became a challenge.</p>
<p>“Hey-Let’s not talk about him, alright?” Recognizing the tension Stacy placed a hand over Victoria's, “If you miss someone, thinking about it just makes things worse, you know?”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded and smiled gratefully. Stacy's hand remained for a few seconds, warm and comforting. She moved back.</p>
<p>“Halloween’s around the corner,” Stacy looked towards their school, where various cobwebs and plastic pumpkins have been piled outside of the main entrance, “gonna go trick or treat?”</p>
<p>Victoria shook her head, “I never go. I watch horror films and eat sweets inside.”</p>
<p>“You’d get so many more if you went out,” Stacy tapped her knee and looked towards a group of boys who were kicking a ball against chain link fencing, “It feels colder than last year. Maybe you’ve got the right idea. Chloe always eats my good ones anyway,” Stacy tutted, “Little Piggy.”</p>
<p>Victoria smiled, “do you like having a sister?”</p>
<p>Stacy shrugged, “Sometimes. Not when she eats my sweets.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div><p> </p>
<p>
  <i>'I know something’s...something is happening again. But it hasn't-it hasn’t-'</i>
</p>
<p>The voice broke off, falling away like mist. She sat down on old wooden floorboards, caked in dust and scribbled papers. Some held strange images and signs, but the one that caught her attention so that she let out a gasp, was a sketched image of the clown.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Penny…?’</i>
</p>
<p>She reached out a trembling hand to take the paper, when her vision plunged into darkness.</p>
<p><i>‘What are you doing here.’</i> A voice hissed. It echoed, archaic and melodious. Many things at once. Her mind felt on fire just from hearing the words cross her thoughts. She clenched her fingers into her hair and grit her teeth. Before she could respond her vision changed again, a flash of light.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div><p>She awoke gasping in a pool of sweat. Her head throbbed, electric pulses that sliced over and over in a raw ache. Victoria whimpered and pulled on her hair. </p>
<p>
  <i>‘Please.’</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Please answer me.’</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hooray for updates! Hope you enjoyed it, might take me a bit longer to update in future because of rl, just be patient with me :) And Happy Halloween for tomorrow ~ spooky times are ahead. &gt;:D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Clown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the door knocked for the hundredth time Victoria sighed. She stood and grabbed the pumpkin shaped bowl, opening the front door fully prepared for a gang of tiny kids to shout and swipe out piles of sweets, more than their sticky hands could carry. Instead she found Stacy Mccan standing there, wearing a purple hat and a black robe. At her side was a broomstick and two other girls. A little further back stood a teenage boy who was playing with a phone.</p><p>Victoria gawked at them, unsure what to say. Stacy grinned.</p><p>“Do you wanna come trick or treating?” </p><p>Victoria looked at the other girls. One was very little, likely Stacy’s sister Chloe. She wore a white dress, and as she jumped in her spot, buzzing with excitement, Victoria saw a pair of glitter lined wings on her back. Her short blonde hair was covered by a headband attached to a halo. The other girl was someone Victoria recognized from class, but didn’t know the name of. A girl with dark hair and darker lines on her cheeks making up a collection of tiger stripes. She looked Victoria over and didn’t appear too impressed.</p><p>“I d-don’t have anything to wear,” Victoria said, biting her inner cheek. Her gaze fell to the ground, the bucket of sweets still held awkwardly between them.</p><p>“Don’t you have face paint?” Stacy asked. Victoria nodded. </p><p>The unknown girl spoke, “just put on something on your face,” she shrugged, “anything.”</p><p>There was a tub of white, black and red face paint indoors somewhere. Sometimes Victoria made the effort but she hadn't felt up to it this year. If she wasn't going out, then she didn't see the point.</p><p>“I don’t know...I’ll have to ask my mom, okay?” </p><p>Laurie Desmond was waiting when Victoria shut the door, her face expectant, “you’re going out?”</p><p>Victoria shrugged. Her mother tutted, “it’s not often you hang out with kids. You can go, but I don’t want a repeat of that incident.”</p><p>Victoria froze, before realizing what her mother was talking about. She meant the boy who had played with her that time. Penny. Victoria's heart faltered in her chest before she nodded quickly.</p><p>“As soon as it’s finished you come straight home. You’re a big girl now,” he mother said meaningfully, staring down at her with a pointed look, “I mean it.”</p><p>After a few words with the other girls and the much older boy, who turned out to be the small groups chaperone for the evening, her mother helped her find the paint, and Victoria hurried to slap it on her face. She caked on the white down to her neck where her black shirt would cover. She was about to add darker black for shadows around her eyes, to look like a zombie, when her gaze landed on the tub of red paint.</p><p>Her hand reached for it and she slid off the lid. She dabbed her finger in and began applying it to her nose. Once that was done, she drew little round circles on the ball of her cheeks, and a red line that sliced down from the circles to meet her lips. The red circle on her right cheek covered up her mark, aside from a few parts where the scarring stuck out. She frowned.</p><p>That didn't matter, what mattered was the overall look. Victoria smiled and the red lines dragged up. The balls on her cheeks were cherub-like, maybe a little too soft for what she was going for, but she liked it all the same. Staring back at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she felt comforted.</p><p>She hopped off the stall and headed downstairs, ‘<i>I’m going trick or treating today’</i>, she allowed the thought to linger in the air before heading out the door to meet Stacy.</p><p>Victoria had made a point to inform her past friend on big events in the day, talking to him despite the lack of response. The pain of being ignored was still there, like a bee sting that still itched. But mostly it felt good to speak in their special way. It made her feel connected to him even if he wasn’t interested. He could always tell her to stop if she was really bothering him.</p><p>“Yikes a clown!” Chloe squeaked as Victoria stepped outside. Chloe was still giggling while Stacy’s eyes widened, her smile falling. </p><p>The other girl huffed, tapping her foot in boredom, “ready?” she asked. Clearly she was annoyed at having to wait so long, but Victoria was more focused on the look Stacy gave her, and her stomach sank as she realized her mistake.</p><p>“Ready,” she answered in a quiet voice.</p><p>The older boy was called Dylan. His mother had paid him to watch over his sister, who was the equally bored looking girl with tiger face paint, named Isabelle. He stayed far back as they traveled along the gloomy roads. Victoria was impressed by how many children were out this year. The curfew in place was all but ignored for this one day it seemed.</p><p>Isabelle seemed rather put off by Victoria's presence, but thankfully she was silent enough for it not to bother Victoria. Stacy leaned close to her to whisper.</p><p>“Why’d you go with that?” knowing she was asking about her clown paint, Victoria shrugged her shoulders, unable to keep eye contact.</p><p>“I don’t know,” truthfully, she didn’t. It just felt right.</p><p>Stacy looked ready to say something else when she stumbled forward as Chloe pushed past, running up the path of their next house, “Oof, Chloe!” She screeched, “careful!”</p><p>Chloe darted up to the door unconcerned with her sisters yelling. The glitter on her netted white wings glimmered in the dark, and she stood by the door, bouncing on the tip of her toes, “trick or treat, trick or treat!”</p><p>“They haven't even answered the door yet,” Stacy groaned.</p><p>Victoria's lips quirked into a small smile. She could see how a younger sibling might get annoying, but at the same time Chloe's enthusiasm was entertaining to her, and made her feel more adult in comparison, even though there was likely only a handful of years between them.</p><p>“Where are your other friends?” Victoria asked.</p><p>“Most were busy. Isabelle was the only one who wanted to come.”</p><p>Victoria didn’t think Isabelle looked like she wanted anything, aside from getting away from here. She had barely given Victoria a single look or word, so Victoria stuck by Stacy’s side like glue. Whether it was coldness or something else, it made her ache for a more familiar kind of face she wasn't sure she’d ever see again.</p><p>Her face softened. There she went again. She had been doing so well, too.</p><p>A jumble of sweets were jammed into her vision by the little girl, “here you go, I don’t like these ones,” Victoria watched as they fell into her plastic bag.</p><p>“She doesn't want those you pest!” </p><p>The two sisters argued back and forth as they continued along the dimly lit road. Windows were lit with all manner of decorations, and pumpkins glowed softly with their fleshy teeth alight by orange flame. Shadows flickered in the dancing candlelight, and some houses were lit with unnatural colors of neon green and reds. Victoria checked behind them to still see Dylan trailing back, his eyes focused on his phone.</p><p>No one from school had asked her out to trick or treating. In fact, her house rarely got knocked by school mates, and she didn't know if that was because her street was unpopular, or if it was because of herself living there. She watched the flailing back of Stacy's robe, her broom scraping along the pavement.</p><p>Stacy must have gone out of her way to invite Victoria; she wasn't stupid. She knew why so few of Stacy's friends came, they didn't like her. Why Stacy was choosing her over them was a mystery. But Victoria was glad all the same. Maybe she could invite Stacy over someday.</p><p>“What time is it Dylan?” Isabelle called back to her brother.</p><p>“Eight thirty.”</p><p>They had been out for almost an hour. Victoria's bag now sagged with the weight of sweets, more than she ever knew what to do with. They’d gotten pretty far, and Victoria was glad that the older boy was with them, because she wasn't sure she’d find her way home from here. It was a little embarrassing. Derry wasn't a big place, but so rarely did she venture this far, and especially when the sky was so dark.</p><p>“One more road,” Chloe said, “please. Last one?”</p><p>Isabelle spoke up, “there’s a pretty scary house, out by Neibolt.”</p><p>Victoria’s head spun at the word, “Neibolt?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Isabelle gave Victoria a bored look, “might be too scary for some.”</p><p>“We can’t go that far,” Stacy said, shaking her head, “It’s too far out and we need to be home by nine.”</p><p>Chloe whined in the background having heard the conversation. Victoria felt her own upset, because she would like to go and see if he was there, but she also knew it was probably a bad idea. She wasn't good at convincing others to do things anyway.</p><p>“We’ll do Jackson Street since it’s not far, and it’s plenty long, then I’m taking you all home,” Dylan had finally caught up, and the girls all looked at him, “come on.”</p><p>With the decision now firmly out of their hands, the group started moving off. Jackson was still busy with kids raiding homes, despite the sun having completely vanished now, and Victoria felt a shiver of some feeling, but she wasn't sure what. It was thrilling to be out so late with no actual parental figure, and seeing other kids running about made it feel like some big party. She felt giddy, there was that, but there was another feeling too.</p><p>Somehow Victoria found herself walking beside the older boy, and she felt instantly nervous and wanting to fill the void of silence, “do you like H-Halloween?”</p><p>Dylan looked surprised she had spoken to him, his hands deep in the pockets of his black jacket, “it’s alright,” he shrugged.</p><p>Victoria nodded. When nothing else was said she felt her face flush, and hurried to rejoin the other girls ahead. Talking to older kids was terrifying. Adults were okay, they didn’t expect much of her and were usually nice, but teenagers were beyond her.</p><p>“Hey!” a high voice shouted, “look at that!”</p><p>Victoria’s head jerked up. Ahead of her Chloe was running down the street again to her sisters annoyed shouting. Victoria caught up beside Stacy’s brisk pace, Isabelle trailing behind them.</p><p>“Why is she running?”</p><p>“Because she’s stupid,” Stacy grumbled, “I don't know. She’s like a magpie bird or something, you know the ones that love shiny things? She doesn’t think,” Stacy sighed, appearing for a moment much older then her current age of nine, “sorry she’s being so annoying.”</p><p>While they were speaking, the little girl took a sharp turn and disappeared around the bend of the road. </p><p>“Chloe!” Stacy yelled, voice full of surprise and anger.</p><p>It didn’t take long for them to reach the end, and when they did Victoria noted the next road was relatively quiet and empty. And she couldn't see Chloe.</p><p>“Where’d she go?” Isabelle said. Victoria felt a pit of worry form in her belly.</p><p>“Chloe! Stop being stupid and get here now!”</p><p>Dylan had now caught up to them and he looked about, “where’s your little sister?”</p><p>There was a moment of silence as if they were waiting for the little girl to suddenly respond and appear in answer. But she didn’t. </p><p>“Shit, okay. I’ll check across the road, see if she continued straight-”</p><p>“I’ll come too,” Stacy said.</p><p>“I mean- okay sure. You two stay right there okay?” He looked between Isabelle and Victoria who both nodded their heads, “If she comes back just stay there.”</p><p>He and Stacy crossed the road, and disappeared further up whichever road lay next, Stacy’s voice clear and loud. </p><p>Victoria clenched her fist, the plastic bag full of candy drooping between her fingers, and rubbing them raw. Isabelle huffed. </p><p>“I should have hung out with my other friends.”</p><p>Victoria looked up but the other girl was turned away, her arms crossed. </p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>“Stacy’s nice. I don't know why she-” Isabelle stopped, “it doesn't matter. Why is it so cold this year?” she moaned, rubbing her upper arms.</p><p>Victoria said nothing, even though she knew what Isabella was going to say. She fell back into silence, when she spotted a faint sparkle in the dark. </p><p>“I think I saw her,” Victoria gasped, dragging Isabelle from her thoughts, pointing behind them where the road fell away and the edge of a grassy field could be seen. There were a few kids whose figures she could just make out, swimming in the sea of dark, as the field didn’t appear to have any streetlights.</p><p>“I think that’s Bassey park,” Isabelle supplied, but then shook her head, “we need to wait here, and I don’t see her anyway.”</p><p>But Victoria was sure she saw something, and she stared hard at the dark area which stretched on.</p><p>“There’s nothing to it, why would she be there? You can’t get candy in a park.”</p><p>“I know what I saw,” Victoria sat her bag of sweets down on the pavement and stepped away, then turned to the other, “I’m gonna have a look just in case.”</p><p>Isabelle scoffed, and rolled her eyes, “have fun then, I’m waiting here for my brother like we’re supposed to.”</p><p>Internally Victoria felt afraid, she didn't want to head out there alone. But she wouldn’t show it, and so without another word she turned away and crossed the road into the park.</p><p>“Hello? Chloe,” She raised her voice, but hated how it sounded against the silence. She could barely see the soft ground and the grass that slithered against her ankles. Her eyes adjusted slowly, and she could distinguish a couple of benches. As she traveled along she began to see the tall black shape of some kind of stage.</p><p>It must have been Derry’s bandshell. Her mother had taken her to this field in the summer to watch bands play, while they sat for a picnic. Now it was entirely different, eaten up by shadow and empty of all but a few stragglers of kids, whispering and giggling as they passed her to rejoin the street corner where she had left Isabelle.</p><p>“Chloe?” She tried again. She was going to return to Isabelle, embarrassed by her mistake, when she saw a little girl dressed in white jump out from behind a tree, “Hey!”</p><p>Recognizing it was Chloe, she darted after her, following the little girl until she lost sight of her around the bandshell. </p><p>Now Victoria was starting to understand how Stacy must feel. Did Chloe think this was one big game? Victoria panted as she reached the front of the stage, and slowed her stride so as not to cause the girl to run off again. She crept forward with her hand running along the wood, not looking at the deep enclave of darkness on the stage, which made her uncomfortable.</p><p>“Do you have any lollies? I like those.”</p><p>Victoria stopped, her hand frozen on the stage. The voice of Chloe was clear as day.</p><p>“Those ones? Yes, I love them too, please.”</p><p>Cold settled in her body, made her hand tremble against the wood. She needed to go and see, but she felt-</p><p>“What? Oh...um, okay. I’ll come to you,” She heard the rustle of movement and couldn’t take it anymore. She rushed around the corner and found Chloe, who jumped at her appearance, her eyes wide. She held a hand out as if she was waiting to receive something, but there was no one there.</p><p>“Who are you talking to,” Victoria said, breathless, “who?”</p><p>Chloe recovered from her surprise and smiled sheepishly, “I don’t know. There was a voice and it asked if I wanted sweets.”</p><p>“Where was it?”</p><p>Chloe’s bottom lip pouted, upset at the tone Victoria had taken, “I don’t know, but he wanted me to go by the tree.”</p><p>She pointed further back, at a cluster of trees behind the bandshell. It was so dark back there that Victoria couldn’t make out where one tree began and another ended. Her heart pulsed in a heavy thump, and she moved to grab Chloe’s hand, which the little girl allowed.</p><p>“I think we should go back and find your sister.”</p><p>“But they promised me sweets, my favorite ones,” Chloe complained, though she did not fight against Victoria’s hold.</p><p>“You can have some of mine,” Victoria eyed the trees intently. They were long, surrounded by fallen piles of leaves that shivered in the wind. She kept waiting for a hand to emerge from behind, for a figure to purposely reveal itself, one almost as tall as the stretched out gnarled trunk.</p><p>
  <i>‘Is that you?’</i>
</p><p>For the first time since she ever discovered his gift, Victoria hoped there wouldn't be a reply. Something felt awfully wrong, and she disliked everything about the current situation. Chloe whispered something to her and Victoria tugged her back, leading them both from the dark.</p><p>“You’re not happy,” Chloe asked, and she peeped back at the way they came, “something scared you.”</p><p>Victoria shook her head, “no It’s okay, we just need to get back,” she wanted to drop it, but found herself needing to know more and unable to resist asking, “what did...what did the voice sound like?”</p><p>“Um,” the younger girl glared at the ground in thought, “really goofy, but strange. A grownup person. A man.”</p><p>Victoria didn't know what to think. Why was he out here trying to speak with Chloe? She remembered what Stacy had said about her own encounter, and knew suddenly just how horrified the girl would be once she heard this. Even if it wasn’t true, and Chloe was just imagining a voice, like really little kids sometimes did.</p><p>But she knew better. It had to be him. There was something very wrong about all this, and the only person who could answer was the clown himself. Somehow, Victoria knew whatever the reason was that he chose to speak to Chloe that night, she wouldn’t be happy with the reason.</p><p>Briefly she recalled their very first meeting, and herself asking for sweets. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly, as if everything that had happened had soured that memory, filled it with poison.</p><p>They returned to the main road where the others were waiting. Stacy saw them first and came running, her broom abandoned beside the two siblings.</p><p>“Where did you go?” she shouted. Chloe looked ready to dash, but Stacy caught up to them and grabbed her wrist, “we looked everywhere for you!”</p><p>“I wanted more sweets,” Chloe mumbled with her head cast down, “I didn’t mean to.”</p><p>Dylan came over, “Jesus kid you gave us a heart attack,” he huffed, but there was massive relief on his face. Returning from your babysitting duties to reveal you lost a kid while trick or treating, probably wouldn’t have looked good. Stacy continued to rant.</p><p>Seeing the little kid be shouted at, Victoria felt bad and somehow guilty, as if the whole situation was her fault. Chloe didn’t cry but her eyes grew wet and she sulked in silence as they started back up Jackson street. Stacy held tight on her sister's hand.</p><p>“Thank you for finding her Victoria,” she said, nudging Victoria’s shoulder.</p><p>The relief on Stacy’s face, as well as her words, brought an uncertain smile to Victoria’s lips. She didn't know whether it was a good idea to tell Stacy what had happened, and whether Chloe would simply do so. She decided not to, since Stacy was of the wrong belief that her old friend would do something bad, and Victoria would never believe that.</p><p>“I prefer Vicky, actually,” Stacy smiled and nodded, adjusting her grip to hold Chloe’s hand.</p><p>More than anything, she was just grateful to have a friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. A Closer Connection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Together they sat in the kitchen, eating sandwiches her mother had made after they’d returned from school. Stacy's cheeks were a soft peach tinted by the cold frost outside, her scarf still slung over her shoulders even as she’d taken off her coat. Victoria munched away, watching her mother pace back and forth from the slim view of the living room, as the woman chatted on the phone.</p>
<p>“She sounds happy,” Stacy gestured to the doorway. The girls listened again as if to confirm.</p>
<p>Victoria nodded, “her boss let her have Christmas off. I think.”</p>
<p>The subject of the holidays felt foreign in that moment, still a distance away. Even as light snow sometimes rained silently in the night and early mornings, only to turn into wet puddles by day. Her mother had cursed every bad word and ever some new ones, when she found one morning that her car once again, wouldn't start. November crawled by, like the month was one giant sinkhole which Victoria found herself trapped in.</p>
<p>Stacy visited occasionally, sometimes eating dinner and getting picked up by her father, unless it was the weekend where she might stay longer. Chloe hadn’t come up much in conversation, so Victoria assumed the little girl had said nothing about the incident, or had forgotten it entirely. She was fairly young. </p>
<p>Only once was Halloween brought up, and Victoria had denied any understanding of why Chloe had dashed into the park. It had left a sour taste in her mouth. Lying as she did felt a little too alike to her old friend, and she wondered if it made her a terrible person.</p>
<p>“Finished girls?” Her mother popped into the kitchen, eyes shifting between the two of them. </p>
<p>Upon seeing them still eating at a snail's pace, she left again, chatting continuously as she headed upstairs. Victoria felt pleased. There was something nice about her mother noticing her new friend, something that never happened with the clown. It had felt odd, not being able to even introduce him, when she spent so much time around the being. It had made her feel disconnected from her mother in a way that just wasn't the case with Stacy.</p>
<p>“Wanna watch a film before you go?” Victoria asked. She had been almost glued to her bedroom after her mother had gifted her an early Christmas present. It was an old boxed television that had no signal, and probably wasn't all that impressive to someone like Stacy. But Victoria adored it. It came with a built-in DVD player, which she used to replay her small collection of films, mostly of the Disney variation.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Stacy mumbled, finishing off her sandwich.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-</p>
</div>Her room was a mess. Toys were strewn about the floor like she was some preschooler who forgot to tidy up after themselves. Victoria rushed to grab and shove most of the plushies to the side, her face hot. She had never left her room like this, her mother would be furious if she’d seen how bad it was.<p>“It’s n-not normally like this,” she insisted as she pushed the final stuffed animal into an empty space in the closet. Stacy had moved past her to fall back on the bed.</p>
<p>“Doesn't your mom clean your room?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes. I don't know how it got so messy...maybe she forgot?” Victoria frowned, unable to recall leaving it like this before school. Through the door gap her mothers voice came in, muffled in her bedroom, oblivious. She wouldn’t dare question her mothers cleaning, or mention the mess.</p>
<p>“Nevermind. Who’s this?” Victoria whipped around to find Stacy holding a green toy, wiggling it in her direction.</p>
<p>“That’s Mr. Waffles,” Victoria whispered. The familiar toy made her feel solemn, a pinch of that old loneliness flared up despite her company. She still missed him, and there were too many reminders in her home, from all the time they spent there.</p>
<p>Stacy looked at the green turtle for a long moment, then set him aside, “there’s something I wanted to ask you.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Have you seen...him again, at all?” Stacy stared at her with the same seriousness Victoria had just felt, as if the feeling had passed between them. There was a look of uncertainty in Stacy’s bright eyes, as if she was bracing for an argument.</p>
<p>“No,” Victoria said. It was both true and untrue, in the way adults seemed to lie by not telling the full story. Just the simple word brought on a barrage of guilt so strong, she expected Stacy to be able to read it in her expression.</p>
<p>“Oh,” The girl said, and then her shoulders relaxed, “that’s good. I haven’t either, not since...I won’t mention that again, sorry.”</p>
<p>Victoria shrugged, and turned away to fiddle with the little black T.V remote, her brow furrowing. The same questions passed her mind. Did Stacy actually like her? Or was she just using her to get information, pretending until she realized Victoria had nothing left to offer, other than her flimsy excuse of a friendship. She knew she wasn't as fun or pretty as the other girls in class, and so that only left her to conclude Stacy must want something else.</p>
<p>She mentally shook away those thoughts, and sat beside the girl. </p>
<p>Stacy picked Tangled for them to watch, and the film played in the background which they quickly grew to ignore unless it was a singing scene. Stacy reminded her of the offer to join her group at recess.</p>
<p>“They don’t bite. You can come sit with us anytime.”</p>
<p>Victoria shook her head, “they don’t bite you, because they like you.”</p>
<p>“You won't know unless you try,” Stacy said quickly with a tone of excitement, “I’ll be there, it’s really no big deal. Please?”</p>
<p>“No, I won't,” Victoria shook her head resolutely, “I only want you as a friend, an-” she stopped herself, “just you.”</p>
<p>Stacy scoffed, “you can't just have one person as a friend. Like, forever.”</p>
<p>“Who says?”</p>
<p>“Everyone. People need lots of friends or they die from being sad.”</p>
<p>Victoria laughed, unable to keep up her annoyed stare, “no they don’t!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, because one person isn't enough,” Stacy shook her head, “It’s weird.”</p>
<p>Victoria vehemently disagreed. She could never imagine one person not being enough, “not everybody wants to be normal.”</p>
<p>“No,” Stacy said, “but most people want lots of friends. Or at least a few,” she counted her fingers, lips pursed, “three or four? Maybe five. Definitely four.”</p>
<p>Maybe Stacy had a point, but Victoria was one hundred percent happy with just Stacy. Her mean friends would not add anything worth being bullied for. All of Stacy’s friends were rude, and if being with those kinds of people made Stacy happy, then Victoria wanted no part in having “lots of friends”.</p>
<p>The conversation drifted off and they settled in quietly to finish the film. Victoria felt her eyes droop, lulled by the soft glow of the screen. Her curtain was pulled shut to block out the dark sky. She gave Stacy a discreet look, noting how the girl had sunk down onto her pillows, her usually neat blonde hair stuffed between her palm in a messy display, as she watched the film. </p>
<p>Victoria wondered why Stacy seemed so different when they were together, then when among her other friends. It felt safer when it was just two of them, less intimidating. Victoria frowned. Maybe she just wasn't made to have friends. Maybe she had this limit, and after that, there was just no more room in her heart for anyone else.</p>
<p>Most people were cruel anyway. Worthless.</p>
<p>She bit her lip and gazed down, twisting her hands in her lap. There was a sense of shame accompanying the thought, one she knew wasn't very nice to have. </p>
<p>“Hey,” she whispered, barely audible over the movie, “are most people, do you think- I mean... do most people make good friends?”</p>
<p>Stacy turned to her with a strange expression, “huh?”</p>
<p>Victoria’s face warmed and she turned away, “n-nevermind. It was stupid.”</p>
<p>The other girl sat up, her shoes hitting the bed as she swayed them, “I don't know. But all my friends are good, I think.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Victoria nodded, though she didn't agree, “that's true.”</p>
<p>They went back to silence. It was frustrating. Stacy couldn't see the problem, and perhaps being friends with her group blinded her to their cruelty. Maybe when you became friends, you had to overlook certain things. Because of this, Victoria didn't feel like she could fully trust Stacy’s opinions.</p>
<p>All of a sudden she felt that pit of loneliness open up again, like a deep cut she’d tried to cover with a simple plaster, forgetting it was there. She missed Pennywise. Thinking his name hurt more. At least with him, she never had to share, as he promised to be her one and only friend, and that was something Stacy would never be able to do. She wasn't a best friend like the clown used to be.</p>
<p><i>‘You just don’t understand me.’</i> she thought with an internal sigh.</p>
<p>“What don't I understand?”</p>
<p>Victoria jumped. Stacy was looking at her again with raised eyebrows, and Victoria's heart thudded as she realized what she'd unintentionally done.</p>
<p>A beat passed between them, and Victoria tentatively tried again while they looked at one another, disbelieving, <i>‘can you hear me?’</i></p>
<p>“Woah!” Stacy shot up her eyes wide as saucers, “is this real?”</p>
<p>Horror struck Victoria and she raised her hands to cover her mouth, before reaching a hand out to Stacy’s shoulders, “oh no, are you hurt? Oh no,” she rambled. What had she done?</p>
<p>Stacy went lax, staring at her, “was that you speaking?” she seemed to take in Victoria's terrified expression because she paused, her mouth forming a solemn line, “I’m not hurt. Did you really do that?”</p>
<p>A thousand bad thoughts were filtering around in Victoria's skull. It felt like red warning bells were going off, a sense that she’d done something bad. More than bad.The clown's words came back to her, that awful birthday, when he’d explained the harm she could do to someone by speaking in their special way.</p>
<p>He was going to find out, she realized with a grim sense of surety. He was going to find out and be even angrier than before, and now Stacy was going to be hurt by her special talking power. Stacy's mind was probably hurting right now. Pennywise never explained what might happen if she kept going, but whatever the case it was bad. Had she doomed her new friend?</p>
<p>“Hey! Can you do it again right-” Victoria sprang forward and pressed her hand to Stacy’s mouth.</p>
<p>“Shh, my mommy doesn't know. I mean my mom,” she added with embarrassment, “it’s a secret. It’s bad also.”</p>
<p>Stacy moved her hand gently but now her expression was one of wonder, “can you do it one more time? Just once?”</p>
<p>“No,” Victoria shook her head, “I’m hurting you by doing it. It’s really bad.”</p>
<p>“How can it be hurting me,” Stacy tilted her head in question, looking genuinely curious, even as worry marred her face in the crease of her brow, “it’s just talking...oh wow, this is super cool. This is like superman powers isn't it?” </p>
<p>Victoria waved her hand frantically to remind the other to tone her voice down, “no, it isn't,” she whispered, “it's dangerous and bad. Superman is good.”</p>
<p>Despite her words, Stacy was almost bouncing on the bed, and suddenly Victoria could see the similarities to her younger sister, and it almost made smile even with how anxious she felt.</p>
<p>“These aren't my powers...they come from-” she stopped herself. Stacy leaned forward, clinging onto her every word, grinning. Victoria saw no way out in explaining these things, knowing that her friendship with Stacy hung in the balance. But she was tired of hiding so many things. She shrunk down and mumbled.</p>
<p>“They came from him.”</p>
<p>Instantly Stacy sat back, a gloom falling across her face, though she didn't look surprised, “I guess that makes sense...but he isn't here now,” Stacy looked about the room in a way Victoria would have found funny in any over circumstance, “So how can you have them?”</p>
<p>Victoria shrugged, “I just do.”</p>
<p>“But,” Stacy swallowed, looking more uncomfortable as she spoke, as if she feared the monster would appear any moment, “if he gave you powers, why did he leave?”</p>
<p>“I-I don't want to talk about it.”</p>
<p>Stacy sighed, “so you can’t use them, and you can't talk about them...but why would it hurt me? And how did you manage to do it by accident?”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Victoria said, perhaps a little too harshly. It was annoying being asked the very same questions she’d already thought about, “only he knows why, but he never told me all these things,” her lip trembled, “I guess he didn't really trust me that much.”</p>
<p>Stacy leaned back against the bed, her head knocking gently against the wooden frame. She gazed at Victoria with a half lidded stare, “sounds like he couldn't be trusted.”</p>
<p>Victoria's eyes widened, “you can't say that!” it was less a defense of her old friend, and more a panic over the thought that he might be able to listen. Pennywise was very smart, and he always seemed to know things even when he wasn't present.</p>
<p>“It's just so confusing,” Stacy said, rubbing her hands over her face, “I don't understand how super power talking can hurt, it’s not like you’re attacking me. I didn't feel anything, I just heard your voice,” her eyes narrowed, “you sure he wasn't lying?”</p>
<p>“Yes, because he was my friend back then,” Victoria huffed, her hands tightening to fists, “like you are now.”</p>
<p>Stacy went quiet. Victoria didn't want to admit that the clown had lied before, that she was now the liar by defending him. She knew he didn't love her, but that didn't mean he had lied about everything else. And Stacy wouldn't understand, because what she had with Pennywise was different.</p>
<p>“You can't tell anyone,” Victoria whispered.</p>
<p>“Who’d even believe me? Well, apart from Courtney, because of everything that happened, but everyone calls her crazy behind her back now so there’s that,” upon seeing Victoria’s still stricken face, Stacy took a deep breath, and continued, “don't worry,” she smiled, “I can keep a secret.”</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The lovely modtime on tumblr drew some art for this fic! It's super awesome, send them some love if you can! :)<br/>(it's the washing machine scene from chapter 6, which kinda makes me laugh seeing how many people really liked that horrifying moment lol!)</p>
<p>https://modtime.tumblr.com/post/640585452736462848/comic-page-of-pennywise-and-vicky-from-a</p>
<p>Anyway this chapter is a little longer then the last...hope you enjoy!</p>
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  <p>-</p>
</div></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It began with sheets of rain pelleting down, tapping gently against her coat. The soft babble drowned out all other sounds, and her breathing came out slower, softer. Her feet thudded against the road, and it felt like treading in soft mud, as if the road was earthy soil, where weeds grew and died. Or maybe sand, and if she stayed still long enough, she’d simply sink through.</p>
<p>The ground was bathed in water and it reflected nothing but a blurred image of herself, and the rippling white sky. She trailed on down the street, moving towards some destination, urged forward by some unknown pull. Houses passed by that weren’t really formed, strange dark shadows that were fuzzy at the edges, somehow familiar. There were no people outside, perhaps because of the rain. The tugging sensation led her to a single spot, and that was where she needed to be.</p>
<p>She slowed her walk to a stop, watching water as it filtered into a slim stream, one that gurgled and sped towards a slab of dark space embedded into the curb. Excitement flooded her being. <i>Penny</i>. The name naturally came as she gazed down into the black pit. Why else would she be here, if not to see her friend? </p>
<p>In the far back of her mind she knew this was wrong. Pennywise wasn't a friend anymore, Pennywise had never once answered her waiting pleas outside the drains no matter how long she’d bent down on aching knees. But that thought wasn't given power here. It didn't seem important. In fact, it was as if it had never happened at all.</p>
<p>She crouched down by the sewer grate. The rain gushed around her boots and poured into the drain. Oddly, her attention felt pulled again, and she followed her instinct to look down. Her hand was palm-side up and empty. She stared at it, as if expecting to see something to appear there. After a while when nothing happened, she looked back, and a pair of eyes met her own.</p>
<p>She gasped. The bright eyes observed her, allowing the silence to reign between them. The sounds of running water seemed to quiet. The person stepped forward, but deep shadow wrapped around their skin, as if the sewer drain was a space the sun couldn’t reach. But she knew, of course she knew.</p>
<p>His eyes were that startling amber, like some distant, unwavering star, giving off a burning light in the night sky. His red mouth opened but for a moment there was no sound. Just his lips moving, speaking, tongue pressing against his buck teeth as he over pronounced certain words, just how she remembered he always did. And then, as if a switch had been clicked, his voice and face became clear as day.</p>
<p>Pennywise’s head tilted, bone dry despite the water flooding in, white ruffles twitching with the movement, “would you like it?”</p>
<p>It took Victoria a moment to understand what he meant, but then the answer came and sat warmly in her mind, “is it a gift?”</p>
<p>Pennywise shook his head, fast and excitable like he was in her best memories, mouth parting into a wet grin, “you don’t want to lose it now, do you?”</p>
<p>“No,” she agreed, “I guess not.”</p>
<p>For a moment, the clown's eyes glazed over, a sudden departure from his pleasure. He hung there in awkward silence with her waiting. She used the time to shuffle closer, knees touching the pavement but protected by her yellow raincoat.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said. Pennywise blinked, then focused on her.</p>
<p>His expression changed. It morphed into something unpleasant that sent a shiver down her back, even as her stomach sunk with a sense of inevitability that she didn't understand. Her heart gave a dull throb. Pennywise gave a sly, gaping grin that drew attention to his teeth.</p>
<p>“Here,” he said, and she now saw the small paper boat clasped delicately in his hand, “take it.”</p>
<p>Victoria reached down and curled her fingers about it, feeling its waxy coating as she brushed against the white gloved hand.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘No.'</i>
</p>
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  <p>-</p>
</div>She opened her eyes. Body like a live wire, pulsing with energy like she’d eaten a tonne of sugar. That was the first dream of the clown she’d had in a while, and upon waking a wave of sadness hit. It was like the many dreams about finding a lost puppy, bringing it home only for it to disappear in her arms as she awoke to realize it wasn’t real.<p>But this was different. These dreams were not normal, and the mystical being she’d once known must have something to do with them. Even in his absence they had never stopped, which was strange. She assumed they would.</p>
<p>There was no point lingering on it, or crying over spilled milk as her mother said. There was nothing she could do to stop them, and as long as they weren’t always nightmares, it wasn't the worst thing ever. She could live with the occasional strange one.</p>
<p>Victoria yawned and stretched, lifting her arms up into the cool air, thinking. Why had he given her a little boat, and why did the dream feel like some lost memory, so familiar despite never happening? That voice that echoed at the end, his voice, telling her no. What did it mean? He’d never given her a paper boat. </p>
<p>She scratched at her neck, her cotton top itching. It was stupid to question the nature of dreams, they weren’t made to make sense. And really, it was by far the most normal one she’d experienced. </p>
<p>But still. She couldn't shake away the tenseness, that niggling worry.</p>
<p>Victoria climbed out of bed, got dressed and headed downstairs. Her bare feet slapped against the cold kitchen tiles, when her mother called from the living room.</p>
<p>“Be a darling for me and take this,” Laurie passed her a large plastic basket, “go bring in the washing please. I forgot to do it yesterday, and it’s gonna rain later.”</p>
<p>Victoria nodded. She took the basket and slipped on a pair of trainers, then her baby blue puffer jacket.</p>
<p>She picked up a little wooden stall by the back door and held it under one arm. Outside the garden grass was wet, dewy from rain that must have fallen in the night. Her mother reckoned it would rain again but the sky was a startlingly crystal clear blue followed by the sun, whose rays were a deep red, turning the tops of the garden fencing orange, and heating the skin of her face. </p>
<p>White bed sheets swayed in the breeze, as she set the stall down by the first line. The second line would have to wait, because the sheets were big and heavy, so she’d need to come back after emptying the clothes out. As she pulled off the first peg and dropped it into the basket, her mind wandered.</p>
<p>Doing small tasks like this for her mother, made her feel important. She counted the colors in her head of each item, noting that her own always ranged from either blues or pinks. Blue jeans and tops, pink leggings and skirts. She didn't wear those as much, but they did make her feel pretty. She liked to wear them most often indoors.</p>
<p>Victoria looked towards the backdoor. The surface was cracked and old, looking in need of replacing. Not that her mother could afford it. Their garden was a tiny patch of land just big enough for the two lines of washing, fenced off by long dark panels of wood which gave them complete privacy. The neighbor's dog still made himself known by barking on the other side whenever he could sense someone there. Sometimes Victoria would slide him a piece of chicken between the slim gap if they were out in the summer, and her mother wasn't looking.</p>
<p>He must not have heard her because he was quiet today, though it was early in the morning. She grasped at the next top, one of her mother’s jumpers, and when she pulled the article of clothing down she noticed a bright splash of orange. </p>
<p>Victoria squinted, careful not to fall off the stall. It was behind the second clothesline, behind the white sheets. Her eyes trailed down to the bottom of said sheet. The gentle breeze blew it forward, and underneath were the tips of booted feet.</p>
<p>Her eyes bulged. Fear sizzled like a hot iron behind her ribs, slinking down into her belly. She jumped off the stall, knocking it to the ground. The bed sheet barely stirred in the wind, but the feet remained, two giant boots with dark cherry red balls at the toes. Her heart sped up as realization settled in.</p>
<p>Had she approached the second line without seeing the bright hair, she would have walked right into him.</p>
<p>“P-penn...?”</p>
<p>She made no effort to approach, her mothers jumper still clasped stupidly in her hands. She was stuck in a state of terror and confusion. Why was he here? The question only frightened her more. He didn't like her, he didn't want to be near her, so the only conclusion she could find was that he meant <i>to hurt  her.</i></p>
<p>That was why he was here. She had been so stupid, talking to him between their link. Waiting for him by the drains. Calling out to someone who had made their intentions clear. She had made him mad, and now he was finally going to put a stop to it all. Her hands squeezed into fists, trembling.</p>
<p>The clown's feet didn't move, and the sheet wasn't swung aside. It was unusually still, only the slight view of his hair poking above the line, a reminder of just how intimidatingly tall he was. Victoria held her arms close to her chest, and started to shake.</p>
<p>“Vicky…” the voice was airy, deep and fathomless, “since when were you so afraid of me?”</p>
<p>An internal war began inside her, one part terrified, and the other comforted by the familiar timbre of his voice. The strange pronunciation, the attempt he sometimes made to soften his heavy voice into something gentler.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” She burst out, tone sharp as she continued to tremble. Silence answered. Victoria counted the seconds in her head, and then stopped, remembering who she was dealing with. He might be listening, inside her head. Worried that she might not have a grasp on this power like he did, so she tried to think of nothing, to be blank.</p>
<p>“C-come out,” she whispered, “where I can see you.”</p>
<p>Despite the brightness that grew as the sun continued to rise that early morning, the appearance of her old companion made everything seem strange and dark. When his white fingers curled around the bed sheet and dragged it aside, the clip holding it popped off and fell to the grass, the sheet hanging in the creature's hold before he simply dropped it. </p>
<p>Victoria felt her breath disappear. His eyes were already on her as if he’d been able to see through the fabric, and had only moved it because she’d asked. His expression was unreadable, maybe even more so because it had been so long since she’d laid eyes upon him. He was a stranger now. She searched his face for something, following the long stripes of red, the gentle curve of his snow white cheek, before dropping her gaze.</p>
<p>“Did you miss me?” he spoke, voice wavering and delicate, “because I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>Victoria looked up, and shook her head with a nervous frown, “no y-you haven’t.”</p>
<p>His brow narrowed, and he stared at her for a while. Her pulse beat heavy in her ears and she struggled to keep looking at his face and not at the grass that had turned black around his feet. </p>
<p>She was surprised then, when he spoke almost bitterly, “I have made a mistake.”</p>
<p>Her eyes widened as she shook her head, unsure what he meant. “I-I don’t...”</p>
<p>“I have made a mistake,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken, and he took a single step forward, face remaining a mask of indifference, “and now, I am here to rectify it.”</p>
<p>A cold chill hit her, as she recalled that horrible day. His anger. And then, she knew. He was going to hurt her.</p>
<p>“S-stay back.”</p>
<p>The clown was undeterred. He took a few broad steps; he was then close enough to reach out and touch. She withered where she stood, trembling and shuffling back against the wall. Unable to run for the back door, or call out for help. It was as if all the energy she awoke with had been siphoned from her body. Victoria wanted to collapse to the ground and curl into a ball to cry. She was afraid, and she was also angry. Mad at herself for that stupid part of her that still held out hope.</p>
<p>Pennywise stared down at her, like he had many times before. It was like the dream- she felt that menace, that inevitability, as if the creature couldn't bear to hold itself back from doing something unthinkable, though she did not know what. The sun had bled through his hair and onto his skin, casting it a slight pink, like real human flesh.</p>
<p>“Yo-u-u’re n-not my friend now,” she whispered. The clown didn't respond. His eyes were gold, a warning sign that made her skin sweat, knowing what that meant. And then Pennywise struck.</p>
<p>She screamed as his gloved hands engulfed her, resting on her shoulders before he brought himself down to her eye level. She struggled against his grip but it was useless, the fabric of his fingers soft yet as immovable as solid stone. They didn’t dig into her flesh, merely holding her in place.</p>
<p>“Vicky,” he breathed and then a layer of saliva passed his lips, as if held back, and splattered onto the cement floor. She reeled back but could not move away, “be still.”</p>
<p>“You can’t call me that!” she twisted and struggled further, “let go! I’ll scream for mommy!”</p>
<p>Pennywise tilted his head at the back door then back to her, “she would not hear you even if your lungs bled dry.”</p>
<p>Victoria cried and threw her whole body weight against his grip, trying to sink to the floor and dislodge him. But no matter what she did, his arms remained still, not having moved even a centimetre. She became boneless, a dead-weight in his grip. It didn't work. Her arms hung in his grasp while her body swayed uselessly as she whined. The clown eyed her with annoyance.</p>
<p>“Enough,” he growled, and at the frightening sound, Victoria lurched up and did something very, very stupid. In a moment of terror and helplessness, she lurched forward and wrapped her teeth around a gloved hand. She bit down.</p>
<p>There was a startled hiss, and she was abruptly dropped. The hard garden stone stunned her as it hit her backside and left her breathless. She jumped to her feet and ran to the backdoor.</p>
<p>The door handle twisted down, but where it would normally click there was no sound. She pushed again, frantic, but it would not budge.</p>
<p>A soft footstep sounded from behind, and the jingle of bells. Releasing the handle she rushed to the other-side of the garden. Now the high fencing felt more like a prison. There was no foreseeable way to climb over. Victoria whimpered and spun around, backing herself into a corner.</p>
<p>Pennywise hadn’t moved from where he dropped her, looking down at his gloved hand she’d bitten. His face was smooth and blank, but his eyes were large, fixated. There was a spot of red on the white fabric.</p>
<p>“I am not here to harm you,” his eyes peered up at her from beneath his dipped brow. They were blue.</p>
<p>Victoria wanted to believe him, she really did. But she couldn't control the terror that struck her, the bad memories of his anger, and monstrous behavior filling her with dread.</p>
<p>The clown lowered into a crouch on the garden step, as if to appear less threatening.</p>
<p>He reminded her of a cat, the way his body held a natural grace as he leaned down on long legs without losing any balance, the tiger stripes on his face like the markings of some large tabby. She’d always thought of him as a clown more than anything, but now she could see the wildness there. </p>
<p>“I should have been truthful, but child...I was <i>afraid</i>,” he grimaced as if in pain and lowered his eyes solemnly. Victoria lowered her arms from where they'd risen, “I did not want to let you see…”</p>
<p>The girl licked her lips, worrying them between her teeth. Her heart was slowing back to a normal, albeit with a nervous tick. She couldn't resist asking.</p>
<p>“W-what do you mean?”</p>
<p>Pennywise rolled his eyes to the side, his entire head following the motion as he appeared unable to meet her stare, “I was wrong. I told a lie.”</p>
<p>Victoria frowned, and tightened her hand into a fist. Stacy’s words entered her mind, and she waited anxiously for him to continue and explain. She wasn’t just going to listen to him anymore, she was going to make sure she found out the truth.</p>
<p>“What lie?”</p>
<p>“That I did not care for you.”</p>
<p>Her heart jumped in her chest. Shock kept her silent as she stared at him, gaping. He couldn’t mean it. He ran away.</p>
<p>The red had vanished from his glove, but still the clown inspected it, perched atop his knee as if it were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen, “I realized, Vicky...just how important you are to me. So special. So-”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Pennywise dropped his palm and looked at her with widened eyes. She stood resolute, her fingers biting into her skin. Her lip trembled.</p>
<p>“No?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“No, you hurt me. And lied. And I-I know you’re just lying now, so we c-can’t be, we can’t…”</p>
<p>“Dear sweet girl,” the being crooned. He slid from his perch and stood to full height, then crept closer, stopping only when she flinched, “is there such a way I can be forgiven? What would you have me do to prove myself?”</p>
<p>His eyes glimmered and Victoria thought for a horrifying moment he was going to cry. He’d never looked so sad.</p>
<p>She shook in her spot, the cold seeping through her coat had numbed her body. How long they stood there, she wasn't sure, but she was at a loss. This was what she’d wanted for so long, what she had craved. But now he was here she wasn't so sure. Doubt was firmly glued in her mind.</p>
<p>There was one thing that he still hadn’t said, and it felt like the...what did her mother call it? The hippo in the room. He hadn’t said it. Not the word that had made him so angry. </p>
<p>She spoke in a tiny voice, “why were you so mad, on t-that day?”</p>
<p>His fingers twitched, “I may not have responded well...to certain understandings.”</p>
<p>“So…?” she whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat, “...d-do you...?”</p>
<p>Something fascinating happened then. It was so quick, if she’d blinked she would've missed it. Pennywise’s eyes lit up, but not in their usual gold. The black of his pupils sparkled, some spectre of light twinkled there and passed through. She didn't think the clown even realized. It was like the flash of a firework as it left a trail of glitter behind. Or the flicker of fireflies.</p>
<p>“Yes Vicky,” he said, “I...<i>love</i> you.”</p>
<p>Her heart swelled, despite her previous misgivings, and her voice was a faint whisper when she did manage to speak, “really?”</p>
<p>He nodded. Victoria stood frozen while her old friend knelt to the ground, the grass draining of color in a slow death beneath his form, “I have a gift as well.”</p>
<p>Without waiting for a response the clown raised his hand, and with a twist of his wrist, like he was performing some sort of magic trick, an item appeared there. He stretched forward holding it out for her inspection.</p>
<p>The shape was familiar. A black circle that hung with three black feathers. Each was pinched by a golden bead, and in the center of the circle above them was an interwoven white silk. </p>
<p>“You got me a…-”</p>
<p>“I made it. Just for you,” the clown wiggled it in a silly manner for her to take, “go on.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t stop the smile that formed, and reached forward for the present. A flash of a drain and a waxy paper boat passed her thoughts. She paused, unsettled. Pennywise tilted his head, and gave her an encouraging grin, buck teeth pressing cutely into his lower lip. She let out a sigh and felt her shoulders relax.</p>
<p>“You remembered,” she said, and her digits finally touched him as she took the dream catcher.</p>
<p>She cupped it in both hands, admiring the dark wrappings, feeling the strangely sticky material of the white string. When she looked up, Pennywise seemed much closer, and she gave a halfhearted frown. He always had a way of sneaking up on her.</p>
<p>“Do you like it?”</p>
<p>Instead of responding, she closed the distance and after a moment's hesitation, wrapped her arms around the familiar tattered frills covering his neck. A sudden tightness made her jump, only to realize he had pulled her closer, holding her far tighter than she expected. He didn't seem to mind physical touch as much as he used to. </p>
<p>She knew that not everything was fixed, even as she relished in his affections. But that hole in her heart was finally hurting a little less, and so she was willing to try. Because she had missed him, too.</p>
<p>“Strange,” the clown muttered almost too quietly, sounding confused. Then he spoke louder, beside her ear, and the smile in his voice was clear, “I am glad to have you back, little friend.”</p>
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